Driving a Two Seater Car

Bond Three Wheeler00003d02_mediumHere is a test for this rainy Friday morning. But you don’t have to be driving a three wheeler Bond minicar a four wheeler is okay,but it can only have two seats!!!!!

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night,
>> when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:
>>
>> 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
>>
>> 2. An old friend who once saved your life.
>>
>> 3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
>>
>> Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there
>> could only be one passenger in your car?
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>> Think before you continue reading.
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>> This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part
>> of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is
>> going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take
>> the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the
>> perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to
>> find your perfect mate again.
>>
>>
>> YOU WON’T BELIEVE THIS…………………
>>
>> The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble
>> coming up with his answer. He simply answered: ‘I would give the car
>> keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I
>> would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams..’
>>
>> Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn
>> thought limitations .
>>
>> Never forget to ‘Think Outside of the Box.’
>>
>> HOWEVER…., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put
>> her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood
>> of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.
>>
>> Wow, I just love happy endings!
God Bless and keep reading.
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Touring Newfoundland

GangesnfldA person comes across some unusual things when touring the back roads of Newfoundland. Today Linda and I headed toward Triton, it was a rotten day, rained the whole time and was cold. Naturally we were both dress in clothes more suitable to 20-25 degrees, dry and sunny. Nevertheless, we endured the weather, made the best of the conditions and did indeed enjoy ourselves. In the tiny community of Pilleys Island we visited their only museum. A very worthwhile visit it turned out to be, lots of interesting artifacts and historic information. As I’m a protestant from Northern Ireland, I could hardly not notice a large display of regalia from a long gone Orange Lodge. The display was filled with familiar sashes, banners and pictures of King Billy, Union Jacks etc. However, the thing that really got my attention was photo of a young Royal Navy sailor, a Ganges Boy. Of course at the time when he joined Newfoundland was still a part of Britain. It seems we Ganges Boys come from all four corners of the Earth. Part of the museum was a very old United Church, it no longer operated as a place of worship although weddings and other functions took place on a limited basis. The interesting thing about this church was its roof. Build in the style of a ship or boat but upside down. When looking up at the roof it is like looking into the bottom of a boat. A keel running down the centre and the roof curving toward the walls. When I thought about it, it would have been really quite natural, after all the local carpenters would all have primarily built boats. All in all a great if somewhat cold day, we finished off with a wonderful Chinese meal. I know I know we should have had something more traditional such as Seal flippers Cod Tongues, but who wants to be traditional all the time.

God Bless and keep reading

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Newfoundland’s Loss.

boyds_feature_2Yesterday Linda, Susannah and I took a two hour drive to Boyds Cove to visit the Beothuck Museum. It was an amazing place to visit but also a very sad and spiritual place. The Beothuck people are no more, long ago wiped out by the greed and cruelty of the English and European settlers. They died of hunger, war and disease, the latter brought over by the white man. It strikes me as one of many more reasons for shame of the history of our ancestors. The Beothuck were an amazing people, they lived off the land and the sea and they wasted nothing. Unlike the settlers that only took what they saw as having value and destroyed what they didn’t understand. There is very little actual knowledge of the Beothuck, their history and culture. Most of what we know about them comes from archaeology digs at the recently discovery ancient settlement sites where they once thrived. One of the best sites found to date is at Boyds Cove. I beautiful clearing near the shore and a fresh water brook, and ideal site providing fresh water and an abundance of food, fish, caribou,wild berries and small animals. I felt a terrible sadness standing where these people had once lived. I felt the great shame of my ancestors and the evil deeds they committed on these innocent and once friendly natives, now gone forever. I suppose the question today is, have we learned from these dreadful mistakes of the past, alas, I somehow doubt it.

God Bless and keep reading.

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One Over the Military Police!!

redcapLast night I lay in bed unable to sleep, probably because it was a strange bed. My mind wandered back to a time in Londonderry around 1960. The story of my one and only run in with the Military Police, better known as Red Caps, plus a few other choice names I wont mention here. Londonderry was a hot spot because of IRA activities in the area. It was one of few places where we posted armed sentries. Few sailors had any small arms training other than the old 303 rifle. My story begins with my best friend Michael Chislett and I going ashore for a bite to eat and a couple of pints in a local pub. It was a quiet evening as we were close to being broke, we ate at a small cafe then went to a pub for a pint and a game of darts. This little pub had very nice pint mugs with the Derry crest on them. We asked the landlord if we could each buy one. He said yes and we paid the low price of sixpence each. We left the pub carrying our prized glasses and headed for the bus stop about fifteen minutes away. While waiting for the bus a military Land Rover pulled up and two MP’s jumped out. They accused us of stealing the glasses and order us into the back of the Land Rover. Back in the dockyard alongside our boat, the Taciturn, we were escorted onto the casing and the duty officer sent for. When he arrived he wasn’t best pleased because he’d already turned in for the night. The senior MP a Corporal stated our crimes and why we’d been arrested. The duty officer told them to come back in the morning and make a full report, he would then bring us before the CO. The Red Caps left taking the evidence with them saying they would return at 1100 hrs the following morning. We had tried to explain that we’d bought the glasses and even offered to take the MP’s back to the pub for the proof. MP’s were a officious lot never believing a suspect story,especially one from a sailor. The following morning Michael and I reported to the First Lieutenant and told our story, we named the pub where we’d purchased the offending items. He immediately phone the landlord who confirmed our story proving our innocence and the unjust arrest the previous night. By the time the two MP’s returned the whole crew was aware of the situation. Our upper deck  sentry explained the forward hatch (the usual entry into the boat) was out of use, it was being painted. He directed them to climb into the fin and then down through the two man escape hatch into the control room. This was the most difficult way to enter the boat. However,  adding to the difficulty entering this way was that the twin diesel engines were running at high speed charging our batteries. As you might imagine the conning tower hatch was like a wind tunnel as the diesels sucked air through the nearest hole. This made the descent of our two MP’s extra hazardous especially carrying the two glasses. The Corporal’s hat arrived on the deck of the control room ahead of the Corporal. Once in the control room they straighten their uniforms replaced their caps and smartly saluted our First Lieutenant and began their report. When they finished the 1st Lt asked if they had check our story with the pub, of course they hadn’t!!! they were quite confident we were guilty. When they finally left the boat that morning via the same route which they had entered. They had been made to apologize to both of us and told the next time to check their facts before arresting members of his crew . As they climbed the ladder their faces were as red as their caps. As a wise precaution Michael and I decided not to venture ashore again in Londonderry, just in case!!!!!We sailed a day later with our two lovely pint mugs and this great story of having pulled one over on the British Army Military Police. We were glad to leave Ireland behind being sure the whole detachment of MP’s would have been looking for revenge, if not on us ,some of our shipmates.

God Bless and keep reading.

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How to Handle Your Banker

We have arrived in Grand Falls/Windsor and are staying with our youngest daughter Susannah (Budge) and her family. Didn’t do much today, first had a much needed nap this afternoon before visiting a couple of the local high points. The liquor store and a museum. Now back in a very comfortable recliner chair doing this blog, but as I have little to blog about other than the great nap, I will add this rather amusing Senior solution to today’s banking difficulties, just to keep you interested.(I hope) .PS —–the photo is our youngest daughter, although she is a little older now.

003Shown below, is an actual letter that was sent to a bank by an 86 year old woman.
The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the Times.
Dear Sir:
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque  with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month.
By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honour it..
I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire pension, an arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years.
You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally answer your telephone calls and letters, — when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become.
From now on I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood  person.
My mortgage and loan repayments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate.
Be aware that it is an OFFENCE under the Postal Act for any other person to open such an envelope.
Please find attached an Application Contact which I require your chosen employee to complete.
I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Notary Public figure, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation  (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, at MY convenience, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me.
I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modelled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service.
As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level  the playing field even further.
When you call me, press buttons as  follows:
IMMEDIATELY AFTER DIALLING, PRESS THE STAR (*) BUTTON FOR    ENGLISH
#1. To make an appointment to see me
#2. To query a missing payment.
#3. To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
#4 To transfer  the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
#5. To transfer  the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
#6. To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
#7. To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my computer is required.
Password will be communicated to you at a later date to that Authorized Contact mentioned earlier.
#8. To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 to 9
#9. To make a  general complaint or inquiry.
The contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous New Year?
Your Humble Client
And remember:
Don’t make old people mad. We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off.

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A Deep Thinker

Deep ThinkerJust arrived in Deerlake Nfld about an hour ago, and settled into a bed and breakfast, As for being a deep thinker,I’m anything but tonight, very tired so you will have to for this other deep thinker.

What deep thinkers men are… I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said ‘nothing’. The reason I said that instead of saying ‘just thinking’ is because she would have said ‘about what’. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.
Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuffers.
Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question. Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby and here’s the reason for my conclusion: A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, “It might be nice to have another child.”  On the other hand, you never ever hear a guy say, “You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts.”
I rest my case. Time for another beer.
God Bless and keep reading

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Overheard While Awaiting Our Flight to NFDL

‘Lisa, hello! How’re you?’Bristol BradazonATP_018936_G

‘Good. Yourself?’‘Where’s your friend Madison today? She alright?’

‘Yeah. Well, no, not really actually.’

‘Oh? What you done?’

‘Well, we had a bit of a falling out yesterday. You know, a bit of a misunderstanding.’

‘That’s not like you two. Thick as thieves usually. So what happened?’

‘Well, I was in the kitchen having a coffee when my youngest came running in all flushed in the face and with eyes like saucers. “Mom,” she stuttered as she tried to find the words, “what do you call it when someone sleeps on top of another person?”

I tell you, I nearly dropped the coffee all over my lap. My good God, had she reached that age already? My little baby – where did the years go? Was she really ready for this? Of course I knew the day would come, and I dreaded it. Where was her father when I needed him? He told the boys all about it – you know – life. But this was my little girl, so it was my responsibility. Anyway, I sat her down and got her a drink, and I did my best to break it to her as kindly and sensitively as I possibly could, explaining how the mum lay down on the bed and the dad lay on top of her, what he did and what she did, stressing all the time that it was a natural thing to do because they were so much in love. It was called having sex. And to my surprise she wasn’t the least bit disturbed by it all, and when I finished she gave a huge smile and bounced back out of the door.

Then shortly afterwards, as I was on my third cup of strong coffee, she flew back in the doors beaming all over her face. “Mom,” she chirped, “it isn’t called sex. It’s called bunk beds and Sally’s mum wants to see you …”

Out of the mouths of babes??? oops they are calling our flight bye!!

God Bless and keep reading

 

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Car Show Today

top down mini 2Don’t forget there is a car show today in Abram Village! Dream Machine Car Club, August 24th 12–4pm. Where-Evangeline Recreation Centre Abram Village PE. Registration 10am entry fee $10, spectators $5,children under 12 free. Come one come all, hope to see you there.

God Bless and keep reading

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The last Chapter

Off to Sell More Books!!(I Hope)Well now, to the folks that have followed the Sunday chapters of my latest book, it is time to give me feed back. Good or bad I would truly like to hear your opinions. If you have suggestions or wish to point out errors please do not hesitate. A writer has to have thick skin or become a sad sack, my skin is thick. Sometimes errors are obvious to others, errors that I read over and over without noticing. Many pairs of eyes are good, so please don’t be shy speak up, if you think the story was silly tell me so! I look forward to receiving your comments.desk etc 014

 

God Bless and keep reading.

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Revelations XXI Armageddon (the final chapter)

desk etc 014

Chapter Eighteen

The Future 4012

 

Eve was concentrating on the monitors, calibrating and re-calibrating the recall cord, her fingers flying across the keypad. “Something is seriously wrong here we should have arrived by now, it is taking too long”. “Have you tried to reset the date-time gauge? Maybe we have gone beyond our return date”. We have Adam, that’s the problem, it indicates 3012 and we are still traveling forward. Nothing I do seems to make any difference. I simply cannot slow, reverse or stop the capsule”. Adam closed his eyes, wondering if they had only escaped one disaster to fall into another.

 

As suddenly as the darkness had enveloped the capsule it disappeared, the capsule suddenly filled with bright sunlight and was still. They had arrived, but the burning question was where had they arrived? They appeared to be in a large clearing on the edge of an evergreen forest. There was no sign of human life. Yet the place was teeming with wildlife, hundreds of birds fluttered between the trees and several rabbits were feeding on the lush grass. Near the tree line Adam spotted two deer grazing in the shade of the trees. The clearing was particularly beautiful with rich green vegetation and a clear blue-sky overhead. Huge white fluffy clouds drifted across the peaks of the hills. Adam opened the hatch and climbed out onto the soft thick grass. As he waited for Eve to join him he noticed how clean and fresh the air tasted. Standing together their eyes slowly traveled across the strange new surroundings. Something about this place seemed strangely familiar, like a feeling of having been here before. Looking down the steep side of the hill they could see sparkling water below. Eve, who had lived her whole life in the Highlands suddenly, realized the water below must be Loch Fyne. But how could it be, where was the town of Inverary? Where was the Duke’s castle? Where was the compound? More importantly where were the people? Adam was confused too, if this was Argyll what had happened to everyone. “Eve, we have to try and return to the year we left from, lets get back in and see if we can re-calibrate the equipment. Back in the time capsule Eve reset the date-time gauge for the umpteenth time and holding her breath pressed the recall button and waited. Nothing happened, the monitor lights blinked and flashed for a few seconds then died. The battery, the lifeblood of the capsule had failed, nothing would work. Without battery power and no way to recharge them it had become painfully obvious they were marooned. With no power the capsule was finished, without the capsule there was no hope. They returned to the grass wondering what they should do next. Adam was walking across the grassy meadow when he suddenly tripped and fell flat on his face. Picking himself up he turned to see what had caused him to fall. For a few moments he remained on his knees closely studying the ground. “Eve you have to see this, I think we are in the compound, but thousands of years in the future. Look, look closely, you can see the outline of what was once a building; see how the brick line is uniform and straight. I think the faint lines here might be where the launch site once stood”. Eve paled as she asked, “What has happened to the World, where are the people and the buildings? Eve did you check what year we finally stopped in? The time gauge was showing 4012, two thousand years into the future but I just assumed it had malfunctioned. What has happened here Adam? Do you think they finally had that awful war? I don’t know but it certainly looks like it might have happened, that would explain why we received no response when you pressed the recall button. You mean everyone is dead, my mother, Angus, everyone gone. That’s too horrible to contemplate, too awful to even think about. Eve was silently weeping as she sank to her knees on the grass. Adam quickly came to her and held her in his arms. Come on my brave girl, if we are right there is nothing we can do for them now. We must try to take strength in knowing they no longer suffer and are at peace. After a few moments Eve stood and hugged Adam, thank you dear Adam you always seem to be there for me. They embraced holding a long kiss while Adam stroked Eve’s soft silken hair. Eve whispered, I love you Adam, thank you for being so brave facing those Roman soldiers. You saved my life. Adam hugged her more tightly telling her he’d loved her from the first moment they met all those years ago. Eve almost laughed thinking they’d met in another lifetime; it was in fact many life times ago. Reluctantly they broke apart and looked at each other with questioning eyes. What on earth do we do now Adam? We can’t go back we are stuck here forever. Adam could only smile I guess the first thing we should do is find shelter. We must be mindful that we are back in the Highlands where the weather is probably no more predicable now than it was two thousand years ago. How are your fishing skills? I fancy fish might be on the menu for the foreseeable future. Eve jumped up, Wait a minute I think I know the ideal shelter. Just a little further up the hillside there is a cave, I use to play there when I was a child, I’m sure I can still find it. Half an hour later Eve found the cave, and she was right it was an ideal place to shelter. Dusk was already gathering and as they had not really slept much in the last twenty-four hours they decided to bed down for the night. Tomorrow with clearer minds it would be time enough to make plans for the long term.

 

 

They rose at the crack of dawn to cacophony of singing and squawking birds. Cold but well rested they headed back to the compound to forge their plans. For breakfast they shared a variety of wild berries and sour apples.

Making plans was not going to be easy, they argued over what should be done first, gather firewood or go fishing. Both were vitally important, the nights were cold and their hunger was gaining on them. In the end they decide to do both, one would fish while the other collected wood for a fire.

As they were about to head out to do their chores Adam suddenly stopped in his tracks.

 

Wait a minute, I almost forgot the message Peter gave to us. The message we were told not to read until we returned home. Adam fumbled for the small piece of parchment hidden in his belt; he carefully unfolded the delicate edges. It contained only two words “Revelations XX1. Eve said “Well, you are the minister what does it mean? I’m not completely sure but the book of Revelations tells of Armageddon, the end of the World. Adam, you can’t be serious, surely we are in the World and it’s still here peaceful and beautiful. Wait, lets not jump to conclusions let me get the Bible Angus gave me before we left, its still in the capsule, Revelations is probably the most difficult part of the Bible to understand. Adam climbed back into the capsule and retrieved the sealed package containing the well-worn Bible. Back on the grass he tore the sealing off as Eve anxiously waited at his side. Flicking quickly through the pages he found the book of Revelations and turned to chapter 21 Adam began reading verse one

 

“Then I saw a new Heaven and a new earth:

For the first heaven and the first earth were passed away

And there was no more sea

 

Adam embraced Eve as the message from Jesus slowly drifted to the ground at their feet. Adam whispered to Eve, this is our new World our new beginning

 

The End

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About the Author

Born in Belfast, Northern Ireland on the fifteenth of January 1939, I was the last of six children. We lost our mother on Boxing Day of 1939. The Second World War was just four months old.

In 1942 my eldest sister Lily, and her husband officially adopted me, and I grew up in England. We lived in a variety of places both during and after the war. At age thirteen I returned to live with my family in Ireland.

In October 1954 I began the process of joining the Royal Navy, and marched off
to join HMS Ganges the following year. I was sixteen years of age, and completely unaware of what lay ahead for me at Ganges. It was certainly the toughest boy’s training establishment in the British Isles

I served for twelve years and travelled the world in both ships and submarines.

In 1967 I immigrated to Canada, first living in Dartmouth, Nova Scotia and later on Prince Edward Island. I married Linda, an Island girl, in 1971.We spent a short time living and working in Ontario before returning to the island to make our home where we raised two wonderful daughters. Today we dote on our beautiful grandchildren, Melissa and Christopher.

I completed a further twelve years in the Canadian Naval Reserve before retiring in 1998.

Linda and I are both retired now and reside in our cozy home in Abram Village PEI. We share our house with our two dogs and a cat. Over the years I have followed a hobby of antique British cars. In the year 2000 I began writing my first book, and four years later I published ‘Lily & Me’.

I have had several short stories published in a variety of magazines. My first book ‘Lily & Me’ was recognized at both the LA Book Festival and the NY Book Festival with Honourable Mention. In 2009 my second book was published as a sequel to “Lily & Me” titled “The Royal Navy & Me” My third book “Chapter XX1” is my first venture into the world of fiction.

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