Scientists in Ottawa who went underground to survived the severe Harper cuts in the scientific world have just made an amazing discovery. While hiding out deep inside the Diefenbunker they have detected the heaviest element yet known to science. It appears there are huge deposits all over Ottawa, with smaller deposits identified throughout the Canadian Provinces. Scientists are excited claiming this discovery could save billions of dollars throughout the world.
They have given this strange new element the name “Governmentium” (GV on the elemental table) and it is described as follows
It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of left on-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert.
However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years.
It does not decay but instead undergoes a re-organization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each re-organization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming iso-dopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other by-products are produced.
Scientist are now running tests to determine if Governmentium could be detrimental to human health. They believe if it turns out to be dangerous the possible cure would need to be elected surgery!!!!
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