Enough to make a dog laugh
Bloke at a horse race whispers to Murphy next to him, “Do you want the winner of the next race?”
Murphy replies “No tanks, I’ve only got a small garden.”
Mick, “What if one explodes before we get there?”
Murphy, “We’ll lie and say we only found two!”
The operator asks, “Is it tickin? Paddy says, “No I tink it’s beef
Murphy says, “Well the joke’s on them, stupid, because I wasn’t even at home yesterday.”
Mick walks into Murphy’s barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Mick says, “Oh, no, Murphy, what ya doing?” Murphy says, “Well me and Mary haven’t been getting on in the bedroom lately (since lying about the toast I won!) and the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor.”
The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tons of sand from the Arabs, and they’re going to drill for their own oil.
Murphy says to Mick, “I’m ready for a holiday, only this year I’m going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant. Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year?” Murphy replies, “I’ll take her with me!”
Mick says to Murphy, “Christmas is on a Friday this year.” Murphy says, “Let’s hope it’s not the 13th.”
‘Murphy’s in the bathroom and Mick shouts to him. “Did you find the shampoo?” Murphy says, “Yes, but it’s for dry hair and I’ve just wet mine.”
God Bless and keep reading.