REMEMBER THIS ONE …. THE LANGUAGE IS A LITTLE ‘NEWFIE’, SORRY …
ACTUAL LETTER FROM A NEWFOUNDLANDER
RENEWING HIS PASSPORT?.. A MUST READ!
St Johns NL
This, apparently is an actual letter received by the Canadian Passport
Office, from an irate Newfoundlander attempting to renew his passport.
I’m in the process of renewing my passport, and still cannot believe this.
How is it that Bell-Alliant has my address and telephone number and knows
that I bought a friggin satellite dish from them back in 1977, and yet, the
Canadian Government is still asking me where I was friggin born and on what date.
For Christ sakes, do you guys do this by hand? My birth date you have on my
pension checks, and it is on all the income tax forms I’ve filed for the
past 30 years. It is on my Health card, my driving license, my car
insurance, on the last eight damn passports I’ve had, on all those stupid
customs declaration forms I’ve had to fill out before being allowed off the
plane over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms.
Would somebody please take note, once and for all, that my mother’s name is
Mary Anne, my father’s name is Robert and I’d be absolutely astounded if
that ever changed between now and when I die!!!!!!
I apologise, I’m really pissed off this morning. Between you an’ me, I’ve
had enough of this bullshit! You send the application to my house, then you
ask me for my bloody address!!!!
What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthal arseholes workin’ there?
Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don’t want to dig up
Yasser Arafat, for shit sakes. I just want to go and park my arse on some
sandy beach somewhere. And would someone please tell me, why would you give
a shit whether I plan on visiting a farm in the next 15 days? If I ever got
the urge to do something weird to a chicken or a goat, believe you me, you’d
be the last friggin people I’d want to tell!
Well, I have to go now, ’cause I have to go to the other end of the friggin
city to get another copy of my birth certificate, to the tune of
$35. Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to
assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day??
Nooooooooooooo, that’d be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You’d rather
have us running all over the n’ place like chickens with our heads
cut off, then have to find some arsehole to confirm that it’s really me on
the damn picture – you know, the one where we’re not allowed to smile?!
(bureaucratic friggin’ morons) Hey, do you know why we couldn’t smile if we
wanted to? Because we’re totally pissed off!
An Irate Canadian Citizen.
P.S. Remember what I said above about the picture and getting someone to
confirm that it’s me? Well, my family has been in Newfoundland since 1497
and I’ve been a Canadian Citizen since 1949. I have served in the military
for something over 30 years and have had full security clearances over 25 of
those years enabling me to undertake highly secretive missions all over the
world. However, I have to get someone ‘important’ to verify who I am – you
know, someone like my doctor – WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN FRIGGIN PAKISTAN.= God Bless and keep reading