‘Jimmy boy, what’s this I hear about you being in big trouble again?’
‘Oh, don’t believe everything you hear, Scott.’
‘Well, what I heard was that you caused serious injury to a Government Farm Inspector. They said you gave him a right hammering. Is it true?’
‘No. It is not. I never touched the silly sod. What happened to him was all his own stupid fault.’
‘Go on, then. Tell me what really happened.’
‘Well, I was having my lunch the other day when this fella in a suit hammers on my door and says he’s come to do an inspection of my farm. He’s a right arrogant little toe-rag. Anyway I told him he couldn’t just call on someone without prior warning and he shoves this badge under my nose and almost spits at me. This badge says I can, and this badge says I don’t need your permission either, he tells me.
Then he struts off across the yards towards the gate to the upper field.
Don’t go in there, I shout at him. And he waves the badge at me again and sneers, this badge says I can go anywhere I like.
Not in there, though, I shout again. But he waves the badge at me and pulls the gate open. This badge says I have the authority to go into this field if I wish to, he bellows.
Anyway a very short time later there’s an almighty scream and a thunderous roar from the field. I saunter over to the gate and climb up on it, and there’s the fella legging it around the field with Billy the bull inches behind him breathing fire.
Help me, he howls.
Show him your badge, I howls back. Show him your badge.’
God Bless and keep reading