A Little Weekend Hurricane Humour!!!!!!


Sharing Brownies

A little fellow got into a heated argument with his sister over who was going to get the last brownie. Their mother, sensing it was brewing into a full-blown argument, intervened and asked, “What do you think Jesus would do?”

“That’s easy!” said the young fellow, “Jesus would just break it and make 5000 more – and he didn’t even have a sister!”

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

GOLFING ET AL

Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed my clubs, slipped quietly into the garage and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph.

I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, ‘The weather out there is terrible.

My loving wife of 20 years replied, ‘Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that crap?

I still don’t know to this day if she was joking, but I have stopped golfing.

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Drinking and Golf!
……He no longer plays golf either!!!!

A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, “If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?”

“No, I had to stop drinking years ago,” the homeless man replied.

“Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?” the man asked.

“Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. I haven’t played golf in 20 years!”

“Well,” said the man, “I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a hot shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.”

The homeless man was astounded. “Won’t your wife be furious with you
for doing that?”

The man replied, “That’s okay. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking and golf.”

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Wi-Fi Password (Sounds like someone I know)

While he was visiting, my father asked for the password to our Wi-Fi. “It’s taped under the modem,” I told him.

After three failed attempts to log on, he asked, “Am I spelling this right? T-A-P-E-D-U-N-D-E-R-T-H-E-M-O-D-E-M?”

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Wife!

After my wife died, I couldn’t even look at another woman for 10 years. But now that I’m out of jail, I can honestly say it was worth it !

Got an e-mail today from a “bored housewife 32, looking for some action!” I’ve sent her my ironing. That’ll keep her busy!

The wife’s been hinting she wants something black and lacy for her birthday. So I’ve got her a pair of football boots!

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked the dinner, so I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm!

My wife apologized for the first time ever today. She said she’s sorry she ever married me!

My wife said I needed to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car, burnt the dinner and ignored her all day for no reason!

Things turned really ugly at my house last night. The wife removed her makeup!

My wife shouted at me this morning for not opening the car door for her. I would have, but I was too busy swimming to the surface!

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Severe Thunderstorm

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, “Reverend, you’re a man of God. Can’t you do something about this storm?”

To which he replied, “Lady, I’m in sales, not management.”

God Bless and I hope you are all battened down for the storm!!! you may lose power and then no water to drink, so be ready ——-

About irishroverpei

Author of "Lily & Me", "The Royal Navy & Me" and Chapter XXl Armageddon. Writer, blogger and RN Submariner, antique automobile enthusiast.
This entry was posted in family, Just Fooling. Bookmark the permalink.

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