A Little Weekend Humour


True Love
An elderly couple was on a cruise and it was really stormy. They were standing on the back of the boat watching the moon, when a wave came up and washed the old man overboard.
They searched for days and couldn’t find him. So the captain sent the old woman back to the shore with the promise that he would notify her as soon as they found something.
Three weeks went by and finally the old woman got a fax from the boat that read: Mam, sorry to inform you, we found your husband dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled him up to the deck and attached to his toe was an oyster and inside it was a pearl worth 50,000. Please advise.
The old woman faxed back: “Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap.”
πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
Bystander
Man: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
Bystander: It’s a girl. She’s my daughter.
Man: Oh, please forgive me, sir. I had no idea you were her father.
Bystander: I’m not. I’m her mother.
πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
Strangest Dream
“I had the strangest dream last night,” a man was telling his psychiatrist.

“I saw my mother, but when she turned around to look at me, I noticed that she had your face. You can imagine, I found this very disturbing, and in fact I woke up immediately, and couldn’t get back to sleep. I just lay there in bed waiting for morning to come, and then I got up, drank a Coke, and came right over here for my appointment. I thought you could help me explain the meaning of this strange dream.”
The psychiatrist was silent for a full minute before responding:
“A Coke? You call that a breakfast?”
πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
Dieting Buddies
Mary announced that she was going to start a diet to lose some pounds she had put on recently.
“Great,” Sue exclaimed. “I’m ready to start a diet too. We can be dieting buddies and help each other out. And when I feel the urge to drive out and get a burger and fries, I’ll call you first.”
“Wonderful,” Mary replied. “I’ll go with you.”
πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

About irishroverpei

Author of "Lily & Me", "The Royal Navy & Me" and Chapter XXl Armageddon. Writer, blogger and RN Submariner, antique automobile enthusiast.
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