Weekend Funnies

Long Deployment

Just before our first long deployment, two Navy buddies and I were talking about the stress of leaving our families.

A senior officer, a veteran of many deployments, overheard our conversation and offered the following advice: “You must be sensitive to your wives’ emotional needs,” he said. “Never, ever, whistle while you pack!”

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Underwear (

A wife buys a dozen underwear of the same colour for her hubby.

The Hubby protested saying β€œWhy buy me the same colour? People with think I never change underwear!”

Wife asked, β€œWhich people?”

There was total silence……

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Cooking Surprise 

Grandma: β€œYou’re making pancakes, Earl?”

Grandpa: β€œYeah, I thought I’d surprise you.” β€œAre you surprised?”

Grandma: β€œYes, very surprised.” β€œI’ve never seen anyone use a kitty-litter scooper for a spatula!”

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Medical Advice

I just had a physical. The doctor said, β€œDon’t eat anything fatty.”

I said, β€œLike bacon and burgers?”

He said, β€œNo Fatty, don’t eat anything!”

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Hotel Breakfast 

A resident in a posh Hotel breakfast room called over a Waiter one morning and said with a cheerful smile…”Good morning, I’d like 2 boiled eggs, one of them so under cooked that it’s still runny and the other so over cooked that it’s tough and hard to eat. Also grilled bacon that has been left out so it’s a bit on the cold side, burnt toast that crumbles away when you touch it with a knife, butter straight from the deep freeze so it’s impossible to spread and a pot of very weak coffee, lukewarm.”

“That’s a complicated order.”. Says the Waiter, “It might be quite difficult”.

Resident replied: “Oh, I don’t understand why, that’s what I got yesterday!”

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Two Crows

Two crows were in a field when they noticed a figure that looked like a man in the distance.

“See that over there? What is that?” asks the first crow.

The second crows takes a long look and then says, “That’s a scarecrow. Looks authentic, doesn’t it?”

“How can you tell it’s a scarecrow and not a person?” replies the first crow.

“Look at its hands,” says the second crow. “It’s not holding a mobile phone.”

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Future Employment

If kids knew what they wanted to be at age eight, the world would be filled with cowboys and princesses. I wanted to be a pirate.

Thank God nobody took me seriously and scheduled me to eye removal and peg leg surgery.

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About irishroverpei

Author of "Lily & Me", "The Royal Navy & Me" and Chapter XXl Armageddon. Writer, blogger and RN Submariner, antique automobile enthusiast.
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