Weekend Funnies

Forest Ranger



A new forestry graduate receives his first five-year posting way out in the middle of a huge forest with no people around for miles.



Included in the survival gear that they give him, much to his surprise, is a martini kit.



When he asks why he’s receiving a martini kit, he is told, “Sometime, a few years down the road when the solitude *really* starts to get to you, you’re going to remember your martini kit. You’re going to get it out and start making one and before you know it you’re going to have somebody looking over your shoulder saying, ‘That’s not the correct way to make a martini!'”



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Stranger Danger



Mum: “If a stranger came up to you and said ‘I’m your Mum’s friend, she told me to pick you up.’ What would you say?”



Child: “I’d say ‘You’re lying, my Mum has no friends.”



Mum: “Not where I was going, but ok.”



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Weapon of Choice



This lady gave me her food order. I repeated it back and told her, “That comes to $6.66.”



She said, “Oh no. I don’t like that total. Better throw in a dim sim.”



Surely this woman is an inspiration. She’s out here fighting off the powers of Satan with a dim sim as her weapon of choice.



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Billionaires Choice



If we wanted to boldly send billionaires where no billionaires have been before, we could have just sent them to the tax office.



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Author of LILY & ME , and THE ROYAL NAVY & ME
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