Weekend Funnies

Tornado Drill



Friday, we had a tornado drill. Our department is situated underneath a parking garage (funny how corporations just love putting the nerds in a basement), and there’s a PA announcement repeating itself ad nauseum: “This is a tornado drill. Please move quickly away from any and all windows.”



Somebody yelled out: “Quick! Get to a DOS prompt.”



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Parachuting



On our first day of training for a charity parachute jump, the instructor made an important point. “Start preparing for landing when you’re at 300 feet.”



One student asked, “How do you know when you’re at 300 feet?”



“A good question. At 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground.”



She thought about this for a moment before saying, “What happens if there’s no one there I know?”



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Oxford Greasy Spoon



When my father was a student many years ago in Oxford, there was a “greasy spoon” cafe that he and his friends would often go to for lunch. It was in a small shop where the kitchen was downstairs and food was delivered by a dumbwaiter. To save the waitress trudging up and down stairs she would call the orders down the dumbwaiter shaft to the kitchen.



One of the most common lunch dishes they had was a mixed grill (sausage, bacon, egg etc.). To save shouting a long order, the waitress had agreed with the kitchen that when someone ordered the mixed grill, she would just shout, “One egg.” It used to give my dad great delight to order a mixed grill without the egg, just so they could have the fun of hearing the waitress shout down, “One egg, without the egg!”



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Rainy Landing



As the airliner was preparing to land in Madrid in a rainstorm, an English passenger seemed noticeably afraid. “What’s the problem, fellow?” asked his seatmate.



“Surely,” said the Englishman, “you’ve heard the saying, ‘The planes in Spain fall mainly in the rains!'”



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Author of LILY & ME , and THE ROYAL NAVY & ME
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