Weekend Funnies

It depends on how you define ‘change’.



How many existentialists does it take to change a light bulb?

Two – one to bemoan the darkness until the other redefines something else as light.



How many analytic philosophers does it take to change a light bulb?

None – it’s a pseudo-problem…light bulbs give off light (hence the name). If the bulb was broken and wasn’t giving off light, it wouldn’t be a ‘light bulb’ now would it? (oh, where has rigour gone?!)



How many Heraclitians does it take to change a light bulb?

None – it’s never the same light bulb again anyway



How many Epicureans does it take to change a light bulb?

None – they’re too busy taking advantage of the darkness!



How many Marxists does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.



How many Nietzscheans does it take to change a light bulb?

0.00001



How many Natural Selectionists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Well actually, we won’t even try to change the bulb. We will simply stop using the room that has the burned out bulb, and start using only rooms with functioning bulbs. That way, over time, ….



How many fatalists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, why fight it?



How many Humans does it take to change a light bulb?

None – since the bulb actually contains a gaseous substance, and thus contains no ‘abstract reasoning concerning quantity or number’ nor any ‘experimental reasoning concerning matters of fact and existence’ it will simply be removed and thrown in the fire…



How many Kantians does it take to change a light bulb?

Two to change the phenomenal bulb; and one to explain that we might not have actually changed the bulb-as-such at all.



How many theologians does it take to change a light bulb?

100 – one to change the bulb, and 99 to explain why an infinite God of love would allow darkness to occur in the world at all.



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Lot’s Wife



Mrs. Frobisher, a Sunday School teacher, was telling her students about the time when Lot’s wife looked back at Sodom she turned into a pillar of salt.



Little Dewey interrupted. “My mommy looked back once while she was driving,” he announced, “and she turned into a telephone pole.”



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Baby



A small boy badly wanted a baby brother, so his dad suggested he pray every night for one. The boy prayed earnestly, night after night, but his prayers seemingly weren’t answered. After a few weeks, he didn’t bother to ask anymore.



Some months later, his dad said they were going to see Mom in the hospital and he was going to get a big surprise. When they got to the room, the little boy saw his mother holding two babies.



“Well, what do you think about having twin brothers?” his dad asked.



The little boy thought for a moment and replied, “It’s a good thing I stopped praying when I did.”



🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂