Weekend Funnies

The Cake 

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies’ Group in Tuscaloosa, but forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack up for Scout camp.

When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, “Oh dear, there’s not time to bake another cake!”

This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

She found it in the bathroom – a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect.

And, before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold.

Amanda grabbed her cell phone & called her mom. Alice was horrified – she was beside herself! Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, and ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon & bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP’d, she couldn’t think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south and to Alice’s horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!

She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor’s wife said, “What a beautiful cake!”

Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, “Thank you, I baked it myself.”

Alice smiled and thought to herself, “God is good.

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The Centre

When scientists discover the centre of the universe……….

………….a lot of people are going to be disappointed to find out it isn’t them!

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Singing in the Shower

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth

Then it just becomes a soap opera.

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Passwords 1 

Apparently you can’t use β€˜Beef Stew’ as a password. It’s not Stroganoff!

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Passwords 2 

You’d think that the part of the brain that used to remember phone numbers would take over remembering passwords!!! But Noooo!!!

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Today’s world84FEBFFAA4A943C6B0D4479591349B46.jpg

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Remembrance: Remembering my friends

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Remembrance Day – The Law on Wearing Medals

At the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month. The time when we remember the many wars and the brave men and woman who gave their lives for our freedom. When November 11th arrives and veteran’s parade with pride shoulder to shoulder in remembrance. When we stand at attention heads bowed lowering the colours and listening to the last post. – – – When the Royal Canadian Legion put on their drive to sell their rubbish items embossed with the sacred Poppy, earnings, coffee mugs, umbrellas, legion lager and so much more. When the RCL associates don their many pretend medals and attempt to portray real veterans. They stride out marching and saluting in Legion uniform wearing berets, white gloves and of course their pretend medals. It’s very difficult to attend Remembrance Day Parades while rubbing shoulders with these phoney play-acting veterans. Sadly, the general public see them and assume they are actual veterans. It truly is a stain on what is a very important day of remembering our fallen.

To perhaps explain why these associate members, have a need to wear legion medals. In almost all Commonwealth Countries blood relatives may wear their late loved one’s real service medals of their right breast as an act of remembrance. In Canada it is illegal to do so, a law that carries six-month jail term or $5000 fine, and this law is supported by the Legion.. (It is also worth noting) The Canadian legion also wear their legion pretend medal on the right breastGod Bless and keep reading

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Mandatory Vaccines for School Staff

If I were to enter a restaurant I’d be expected to provide proof of vaccination. If a parent were to enter a school they would in almost in every case be turned away. Yet we still have a percentage of school staff not vaccinated. Surely our children are the most vulnerable and need the most protection. Why has the government not made the vaccine mandatory for all staff to include teachers, bus drivers,Β  janitors and any other employees. The Minister (Natalie Jameson) deflects the question to the CPHO. In other words, she attempts to pass the buck. It is not the responsibility of the CPHO in this matter, it is clearly government policy. While one might argue the percentage is low, we do not know where that percentage figure falls. It is quite possible that in one or two schools the number of staff not vaccinated could be much higher.Β  Making the risk to the students also much higher. It is time the Premier acted to correct this inequality and make vaccination mandatory.
God Bless and keep reading.

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Carbon Emissions

While World leaders are hell bent on carbon reduction, they are missing other equally important issues.I would like to point out some of the real problems that we seemunwilling to deal with. How about the management of our precious water resources. The plight
of many of the large and small animals of the world. From the possible extinction of whales and elephants and many other species.
Humans encroaching on habitat of orang-utangs, gorillas and
others are even more serious.Β Building of our fancy homes in wooded areas forcing local wildlife out of their natural habitat.Β Air quality in large cities is a huge and growing problem.
Depletion of soil fertility is getting worse. Plastics pollution is
something that is not being tackled with any sort of effectiveness.Β 
There is a lot of virtue-signalling in banning shopping bags and plastic
straws, but the net result is miniscule . Recycling of plastics is in
need of a great deal of real action. Helping third world
countries to improve their access to cheap electricity is not being
dealt with apart from demanding that they don’t use their abundant
sources of coal. Is this how we got started on our road to higher
living standards. We have no right to be foisting wind turbines on poorer nations
when they are failing for us.Β  I could go on and on, but the current
hysteria with moving towards net-zero is leading us all towards economic
oblivion. I fear for my kids and grandchildren.
God Bless and keep reading

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Weekend Funnies!

Parade Haircut

The morning of the big parade, a man and a little boy entered a barber shop together. “Give me the full treatment,” the man said. “I want to look good in the parade!”

After the man received a shave, manicure, and haircut, he placed the boy in the chair. “I’m going to buy a new tie to wear for the parade,” he said. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

When the boy’s haircut was done and the man still hadn’t returned, the barber said, “It looks like your daddy forgot all about you.”

“That wasn’t my daddy,” said the boy. “He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, “Come on, son, we’re gonna get a free haircut!”

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Lumberjack

A man comes up to the owner of a lumberjack business and says, “I need a job and I think I’m pretty good.”

The owner replied, “Okay, show me what you can do, chop down that redwood over there.” The man said okay and left. Five minutes later he came back and was done.

The owner was shocked and asked, “How did you chop that tree down so fast?”

The man said, “I got a lot of practice in the Sahara.”

The owner replied, “You mean the Sahara desert?”

“Yes” he said, “or at least that’s what they call it now.”

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Blonde Joke

An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, ‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’

The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.

In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,

‘Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:

1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.

2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.

3. I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.

4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.

5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.

Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’

The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, ‘No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.’

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New Mercedes Convertible (old one but a good one)

There was a middle-aged guy who bought a Mercedes convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it up to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

“This is great,” he thought and floored it some more. He looked in his rear-view mirror and there was a State Patrol behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blasting. “I can get away from him with no problem” thought the man and he floored it some more and flew down the road at over 100 mph.

Then he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this kind of thing,” and pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the State Patrol to catch up with him.

The State Patrol officer pulled in behind the Mercedes and the officer walked up to the man. “Sir,” he said, looking at his watch. “My shift ends in 30 minutes and today is Friday the 13th. If you can give me a reason why you

were speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The man looked back at the State Patrol and said, “last week my wife ran off with a State Patrol officer, and I thought you were bringing her back!”

The State Patrol said, “Have a nice day!”

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Which Disease (

A man came to see his family doctor. The man told his doctor that he wasn’t able to do all the things around the house that he used to.

When the examination was complete he said, β€œNow Doc I can take it. Tell me in plain English what’s wrong with me.”

β€œWell in plain English,” the doctor replied, β€œYou’re just lazy.”

β€œOkay,” said the man. β€œNow give me the medical term so I can tell my wife.”

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Where are we? 

On a beautiful summer’s day, two English motorcyclists were driving through Wales. They stopped at Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwyllllantysiliogogoch for lunch, and one of the riders asked the waitress, ‘Before we order, I wonder if you could settle an argument for us. Can you pronounce where we are, very slowly?’

The girl leaned over and said, ‘Burrr … gurrr … king’………

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Out of the Loop

Mr. Norton was in the hospital recovering from an operation when the nurse on duty received a call from a man who asked how Mr. Norton was doing.

“Oh, quite well. We expect he’ll be released in the morning.”

“Very good, thank you.”

“May I ask who is calling so that I can tell Mr. Norton?” inquired the nurse.

“This IS Mr. Norton. The doctors don’t tell me anything!”

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Fake news!!!

The letter to the editor in the Guardian on 4th November 2021. accusing the Green Party candidate of being a short-term renter. If what I’m learning is accurate then I find the Liberal Party Tactics in the district 16 bye election appalling. Apparently, Charlie Kitson the author of this letter, is a fake name, he is not found on any voter list. Also discovered is a tweet account started just one month ago and indicated to be used by the Liberals. The Green Party candidate along with his wife own a heritage home in Hazelbrook that is used primarily as a wedding venue. They also own a small unwinterized cottage that they rent out during the summer months. . Hardly could he be considered a short-term rental landlord. If this is the way the Liberals attempt to win this district, then I would advise voters to avoid their candidate. Only honest and open candidates and their parties deserve to be voted for. Finally, how can we call the Liberals honourable members? This is a disgraceful way to attempt to win an election.

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Climate Crisis and a donut??

My goodness, pit seems many large corporations love to claim they are environmentally friendly. However, this one particular corporation really made me sit up and take notice. We all know β€œTim Hortons” once a well known home grown Canadian business, sadly, now a US corporation. One really has to wonder just how environment friendly they are! We see almost continual lines at the drive through windows, many drivers smoking and all the cars running. How is that even remotely close to being environmentally friendly? Today, I saw a commercial on TV from Tim Hortons that made little or no sense whatever. They are claiming they have changed their food products for the better.Β  This in turn has made a positive impact on the planet! They also claim they have become community caring. I would really like to know how the humble donut has managed to impact the climate in a positive way. Or indeed, how it has managed to improved community relations.
God Bless and keep reading.

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Health Care or lack thereof…

It’s becoming more and more difficult to listen to excuses flowing from our Government. What happened to the loudly toot medical hubs, seems they have been scraped before they ever came into being. Now in there place we have, wait for it, medical homes and neighbourhoods. This latest clever designation will apparently provide wonderful health care. These homes will consist of doctors nurse practitioners, mental health specialists, councillors and other wonderful health professionals. This amazing step forward in the pursuit of medical health on PEI is quite frankly, unbelievable! We are presently robbing Peter to pay Paul as the saying goes. We are short of doctors, we are short of nurses, we are indeed short of all medical professionals. The EMS service is the latest shortage, five ambulances were off the road for lack of staff. It’s very hard to hear these promises that cannot possibly be met within the next year or two. This does not help islanders who have no doctor, or are awaiting necessary surgeries, or worse very ill and cannot be admitted to hospital for lack of available beds. The health system is in a mess and the minister of health is at a total loss, fresh out of ideas and solutions. So where do we go from here, maybe come up with another clever name for some imaginary health centre. What this Province needs are medical professionals, not medical hubs-medical homes-mobile mental health units. We need to keep the professionals we have now and hire hire hire.
God Bless and keep reading

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Proportional Representation

Finally, the motion was passed to form a Citizens Assembly of Electoral Reform. My hope now is that Dennis King honours this motion and does not attempt to manipulate the outcome.Β  Β In the previous Liberal and PC governments it has always been their policy to prevent any change in the voting system. The most outrageous action to thwart reform came from Wade Maclauchlan whilst he was the Liberal Premier. He denied a plebiscite in favour of PR explaining he had made an executive decision? Later he claimed he would hold a referendum on the issue. He then proceeded to make sure it had no chance of it passing. For his troubles he was thoroughly dismissed in the following election. It is time the policy on electoral reform was taken out of the hands of politicians and placed squarely with the voting public. Maclauchlan’s actions was tantamount to dictatorship, he blatantly denied the will of the people. Please remember the contempt shown by liberal members posing for a photo, Richard Brown gave a passing citizen the finger. We must in future ensure that no premier or politician has any hand in the Citizens Assembly. It must be made up of people that are only interested in the future of our Province.Β 

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