Lawyer’s Son
The lawyer’s son wanted to follow in his father’s footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honours. Then he went home to join his father’s firm.
At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father’s office and said, “Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you’ve been working on for so long!”
His father yelled, “You idiot! We’ve been living on the funding of that case for ten years!”
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The Girlfriend
Last night in Zhangzhou, Fujian province, China, a woman carrying a chopper went to a cinema fuming. The security guard stopped her and asked her why she was there.
She replied angrily…my husband inside the cinema with his girlfriend celebrating Lovers Day. I am going to teach him a lesson.
Security guard said it’s very dark inside. You will not be able to find him. Better wait outside the door n catch him on his way out. Woman agreed.
Meanwhile security guard asked the operator to flash a message on the screen.
βWoman with chopper outside the door. Looking for husband watching movie with girlfriend. You are advised to leave quietly via the side door.β
Half the audience left immediately.
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Dog License
During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signalled a car to pull over to the curb.
When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him and asked, “Does your dog have a license?”
“No,” the man said, “He doesn’t need one.”
“Yes, he does,” answered the officer.
“But,” said the driver, “I always do all the driving.”
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Garbage Collection Service
Scanning the phone book for a garbage collection service, I came across one that clearly wasn’t afraid to tackle any job.
Their ad read: “Residential hauling. All types of junk removed. No load too large or too small. Garages, basements, addicts.”
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Noisy Bar
A guy walks into a pub and notices heβs the only one there beside the barman. He sits at the bar and orders a drink.
Taking a sip of his beer he hears a voice whisper βthatβs a nice tieβ. The man looks around the pub and thereβs still no one else in the pub besides him and the barman.
He turns back and takes another swig of his beer and hears the whisper again βthatβs a nice colour on youβ.
He looks around the empty pub again, turns back to the barman and asks βare you talking to me?β
The barman replies, βIβm sorry thatβs the beer nuts, theyβre complimentary!β
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Redecorating Bathroom
While redecorating my bathroom, I phoned a shop to see if it stocked a particular model of toilet.
“We haven’t got one here,” said the clerk.
“Oh, no,” I said crestfallen. His number had been the fourth one I’d called.
“Hang on,” he added helpfully. “I’ll contact our other out- lets to see if there’s anybody out there sitting on one.”
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Boasting Horse
A traveling salesman stopped alongside a field on a country road to rest a few minutes. The man had just closed his eyes when a horse came to the fence and began to boast about his past.
“Yes sir, I’m a fine horse. I’ve run in 25 races and won over $5 million dollars. I keep my trophies in the barn.”
The salesman computed the value of having a talking horse, found the horse’s owner and offered a handsome sum for the animal.
“Aw, you don’t want that horse,” said the farmer.
“Yes I do,” said the salesman, “and I’ll give you $100,000 for the horse.”
Recognizing a good deal, the farmer said without hesitation, “He’s yours.”
While he wrote out his check, the salesman asked, “By the way, why wouldn’t I want your horse?”
“Because,” said the farmer, “he’s a liar – he hasn’t won a race in his life.”
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