A Little Sunday Humour

 

WARNING FOR ALL MALES  especially Wadewade-the-weasle

Last weekend I saw something at The Army Disposal Shop that sparked my interest. I was looking for a little something different for my wife Suzann. What I came across a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.

The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety…??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.

AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Suzann what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Nigella looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.

I must admit I thought about zapping Nigella (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.

Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a singlet with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.

The directions said that:

a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;

a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and

a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5″ long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best.

I’m sitting there alone, the cat looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ‘Don’t do it stupid,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn’t hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.

I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and…

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE… !!!

I’m pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the lounge, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note:
If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a Tazer,
one note of caution:

There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!

A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.

· My bent reading glasses were on the top of the TV.

· The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.

· My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.

· My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

· I had no control over the drooling.

· Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.

· I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.

I’m still looking for my testicles and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!

PS: My wife can’t stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it! ———————————————————————

I think it would be a good prompter for members of the liberal party. Perhaps we could rename it the Liberalator!!!!A minimum of a three minute zap for Wade.

God Bless and keep reading.donkeyUntitled attachment 00046

 

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Weekday evenings we are subjected to an hour long program of island news “Compass”  But do we really get news?   The other evening fifty or more parents-teachers-students staged a protest over school closures. They had hoped to meet with the Premier to state their concerns. However, he must have been more transparent than usual because he managed to sneak into the building without one protester seeing him. Whatever he thinks, it is wrong for a premier of this province to intentionally avoid speaking with concerned islanders. His dodging of the public speaks volumes about his integrity and responsibility.finger-wade-maclauchlan
Did CBC Compass send an investigative reporter to ask the Premier about this rude and intentional snub of islanders? No, in fact very little was even said about the incident. Instead, we are treated to the usual inane buffoonery of Bruce Rainnie and Kevin Gallant and the stale jokes that substitutes for news and weather.
Respectfully submitted F.Ben Rodgers Abram Village
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CBC Compass Buffoonery

CBC Compass Buffoonery (No subject)

Below is a letter I sent to the editor some weeks ago, for reasons only known to the Guardian it was never published? One wonders if the CBC Compass and the news media are in cahoots with the present liberal government. Do they have a policy that only allows suitably worded information about the premier to be published???? Dodging Islanders with concerns over government policies (school closures) does not reflect a premier who cares what we think wade-the-weasle

Letter to the Editor (dated 18th January 2017)

Weekday evenings we are subjected to an hour long program of island news “Compass”  But do we really get news?   The other evening fifty or more parents-teachers-students staged a protest over school closures. They had hoped to meet with the Premier to state their concerns. However, he must have been more transparent than usual because he managed to sneak into the building without one protester seeing him. Whatever he thinks, it is wrong for a premier of this province to intentionally avoid speaking with concerned islanders. His dodging of the public speaks volumes about his integrity and responsibility.finger-wade-maclauchlan
Did CBC Compass send an investigative reporter to ask the Premier about this rude and intentional snub of islanders? No, in fact very little was even said about the incident. Instead, we are treated to the usual inane buffoonery of Bruce Rainnie and Kevin Gallant and the stale jokes that substitutes for news and weather.
Respectfully submitted F.Ben Rodgers Abram Village

God Bless and keep reading.

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Plummeting Legion Membership

I must apologize for offering quite inaccurate legion membership numbers! I seem to be off target by almost 100.000!!!! It now looks like we have approximately 160,000 voting members not the 240.000 I had earlier suggested. legion

Royal Canadian Legion (Membership) The corruption is killing them. Numbers Don’t Lie

No automatic alt text available.
One could speculate that the present Legion administration in a serious free fall. Frankly I see very little that might help stop the flow of the life blood of this once great veteran organization.
God Bless and keep reading
 
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Automobile Advertizing on TV.

When I first landed in Nova Scotia in January 1964 it could be said domestic automobiles were the kings of the USA and Canadian roads. Chevys abounded, Chrysler, Dodge, Ford even a few Studebakers filled the highways. Imports were rare! rusty Austins, Hillmans, and a sprinkling of European cars lurked in a few secluded driveways. Never once did I see a vehicle from Asia? no Datsun’s, Toyota’s or Honda’s. Fuel was cheap and the big gas guzzlers flourished keeping the hundreds of service stations busy. Today most service stations have disappeared or become convenience stores, most cars on the highways are from the Far East, and gas is no longer cheap.

What ever happened to the Big Three, GM-Ford-Chrysler? Well, they are still around but in much smaller numbers and harder to spot these days. There is clearly only one compelling reason for this, imports are better products, more reliable, more fuel efficient, better design and good value for money.   This can be seen in the current advertising from major domestic auto manufactures. Lets take the Chevy ads!!!2014_chevy_impala_europechevrolet_cruze_1-4t_ltz_2017

Lets first take the Impala ad! on TV, we see a white Chevy Impala on the screen. However, we don’t know its a Chevy Impala because all the name plates-badges have been removed. Enter six Real People-Not Actors!!!they have to guess the brand. First guy says Wow! looks like a BMW, no no says the second real person its an Audi.

Now lets go to ad two, A Chevy Cruz Hatchback. Again six real people not actors enter and a young woman immediately says, Oh!! the headlights remind me of Audi??????

I have a few problems with these ads, first of all the use of the term Real People, are actors not real people? However, even more unbelievable, in the hatchback ad a young woman claims, Wow, the headlights remind me of Audi.  Really?  Now, I like to think I know my way around cars, but the chances of me recognizing Audi headlights would be highly unlikely.

However, the Real issue I have with these ads are the use of attempted comparison to high end European cars. Surely if a manufacturer believes in their product they do not need to give an impression its almost as good as some other product. In fact they are promoting BMW-Audi as great cars and telling us Chevy cars look a wee bit like them.  If GM etc are to ever be successful again, produce a reliable vehicle at a reasonable price and promote it with pride, not by comparing with other successful models. In the meantime I will continue driving my 2016 Toyota Corolla.

God Bless and keep reading

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The Legion and Medals

This is the email I sent to the Governor General’s office last year. Last evening I received a phone call from a very nice lady (staff secretary)  acknowledging my email. Below is a copy of the email I sent.tomeagles2004

Real Medals & pretend medals

 

I’m greatly concerned with the present Royal Canadian Legion policy regarding medals. While it is quite acceptable for non veteran legion members to wear an array of legion service medals on their right breast in legion uniform. It is against the law for an eighty year old widow to wear her late husbands war medals of her right breast on suitable occasions. (see section 419 of Criminal Code) The important issue I have with this policy is that most civilians would mistake an associate member wearing six or seven legion medals as a veteran. Indeed most associate members wear more medals than actual veterans. These are service awards for chairing such things as the Dart Competition, BBQ etc. I find it offensive that non veterans parade with all the pomp and ceremony that was and should be attributed to our real veterans. The issue is wide spread and clearly part of the reason why our younger veterans are not joining the Royal Canadian Legion. Please give this your immediate attention while we still have a RCL. If for no other reason we are responsible for the care and respect of the Poppy. Other legions (Royal British-Scottish etc wear lapel pins). The Canadian Legion membership continues to plummet, it is estimated approx 35.000 are actual veterans, the remaining approx 200.000 are made up of associate and non voting members. In other words just about anyone can join today`s legion branches. Please note the attachments are two legion medals that may be purchased for $25 ea plus P&P. Also photo of Tom Eagles wearing eleven medals but has never served a day in the Military or other services, example RCMP etc.

While this lady agreed with my concerns she explained there is no immediate concern within the Justice Dept to amend the law (section 419). They apparently feel the law protects against imposters from wearing medals they are not entitled to. She did add that it would be unlikely that an elderly widow wearing her late husbands medals would be arrested. That attitude , which I agree with, surely runs contrary to the need for this law?

As for people wearing medals they are not entitled to, that will happen regardless of any law, it occurs in the UK and in many other nations. However, the UK do not act with a heavy hand as we do in Canada. Blood relatives may wear their late loved ones medals on suitable occasions. The Royal Canadian Legion are absolutely opposed to changing this law or of asking for an amendment. One might ask why? it doesn’t make a lot sense to deny an elderly widow from wearing her late husbands medals. Well, I think maybe it does to today’s legion members, whom are a large civilian majority. Associate members have become comfortable in legion uniform wearing an array of pretend medals on their right breast. While these many legion medals are quite legal they are far from appropriate in an organization dedicated to military veterans. They should be ashamed to be seen parading with real veterans often wearing twice the number of medals of the most decorated veteran. To sum up, perhaps as this law is so wrong it should be broken. Blood relatives should begin wearing loved ones medals all across this nation. How many do you think would be arrested and charged?medal-girl Should this young girl be thrown in jail for daring to wear her Great Grandfathers WW1 medals????

How about this joker! he is quite legal with his array of some twelve tin medals, but this is surely a mockery to the memory of our fallen. I can’t predict if anything will come of this, however, the way the legion is going failure cannot be to far into the future

Its rather ironic, the legion motto ”Preparing for the 21st Century”tomeagles2

God Bless and keep reading

               

 

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In the Good Old Days????

How many times have we heard the term, “in the good old days”???? In fact in my memorybook cover_0001 they were seldom good, as children we were never prepared for the adult world. As a boy in puberty I recall asking about girls and was told I didn’t need to know that until I married. That serious lack of knowledge led me into a miserable six year marriage. Whilst stationed in Scotland with the navy I had sex with a local girl. Two weeks later she told me she was pregnant. In those good old days we did the honourable thing. I married her on Saturday 29th November at 2pm, please note this date. Two days later the 31st November she told me she had a miscarriage. Of course I later came to realise I had been taken in by one of the oldest tricks in the book. Whilst I was in the navy married life was tolerable, mainly because I was away much of the time. We had a daughter in January 1965 and this would remain the only blessing of this union. After leaving the navy married life went from bad to worse, In 1969 I learned she had a boy friend and was pregnant by him. I began divorce proceedings, and six years to the day on the 29th November 1969 at 2pm at the Nova Scotia court house my divorce was granted. I recall my lawyer telling me not to say anything, the old judge was a Catholic and would give me a lecture on the sanctity of marriage, but would have no choice but to grant the divorce. It was difficult to listen to him,, he had no idea about my situation nevertheless I remained quiet. Moments later I walked down the steps of the court house a free man. I imagined at the time, it must be a similar feeling to a man being released from Alcatraz. I was walking on air and happier than I had been in a long time. A few years later I won custody on me daughter.  Seems a long time ago now and maybe I can look back and sayIMG_0001 they were the good old days, or maybe not.
This is just a brief account of that fateful marriage, the full story can be read in my book “The Royal Navy & Me”
God Bless and keep reading
A
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Meanwhile at the Royal British Legion.

Something to think about for the Royal Canadian Legionlegion

RBLI seeks wounded veterans to make new apartments into homes

RBLI is seeking veterans who suffer from a disability, illness or injury for their brand new specialised apartments which are due to be completed in spring 2017.british-legion-lapel_badge_4_358x211

The apartments, situated on Hermitage Lane near Maidstone, just outside the Royal British Legion Village, will be individually adapted for ex-service personnel who are homeless, at risk of homelessness or have specific requirements due to health issues. As the construction nears completion, RBLI is looking to find Veterans who can make the apartments their home.


The project started back in late 2015 when RBLI was awarded £1.95 million from the Armed Forces Covenant LIBOR Fund.

In 2013, it was discovered that one in ten of the homeless population have a service connection. RBLI’s Head of Estates Development James Mulroy said the 24 apartments are an exciting new opportunity to support veterans on the verge of homelessness, many of whom suffer with a disability or health condition, back to “independent living”.

He added: “RBLI already provides specialised nursing and care accommodation in the Village to those who need it. However these apartments will provide accommodation to veterans who, although not in need of care, may need specialised facilities to help them lead productive, mobile and active lives following the end of their service.
“The apartments will be specially adapted for wounded, injured and sick ex-service personnel. Specialist welfare support will also be available along with potential employment opportunities.

“We want to really make a difference to the lives of veterans who are struggling to find a home.”

The apartments are located alongside RBLI’s original cottages which were built to house First World War veterans and their families. Residents will become part of the wider village community, where a range of amenities are available including RBLI’s community hub and café, Base Camp.

If you wish to find out more about Royal British Legion Industries’ specialised apartments then please contact Senior Administrator Emma Cottee on 01622 795910, or via email: emma.cottee@rbli.co.uk


Perhaps the Royal Canadian Legion could try this instead of awarding associate members with the cheap legion (right breast) medals and of selling cheap trinkets and other tat.

God Bless and keep reading

 

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A Little Sunday Humour

A man decided to have a face lift for his birthday. He spends $5,000 and feels really good about the result. On his way home he stops at a newsstand and buys a paper. Before leaving he says to the sales clerk, “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 35,” was the reply.
“I’m actually 47,” the man says, feeling really happy. After that he goes into McDonalds for lunch, and asks the order taker the same question, to which the reply is, “Oh you look about 29″.
“I am actually 47!” This makes him feel really good.
While standing at the bus stop he asks an old woman the same question.
She replies, “I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a mans age. If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for ten minutes I will be able to tell your exact age.”
As there was no one around, the man thought what the hell and let her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later the old lady says, “OK, it’s done. You are 47.”sucker
Stunned the man says, “That was brilliant! How did you do that?”
The old lady replies, “I was behind you in McDonalds.

God Bless and keep reading

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The New Legion Business Enterprize

medals-at-legionThis is just a small sampling of the items that are now available for sale legionthrough the Royal Canadian Legion.

Check out supply@legion.ca

If they keep producing new items at this rate they will soon have a catalogue similar to the old Eaton Catalogue.

As I have never purchased anything I have no idea where they are made? At a guess, could it be China or some other Asian country.

The big question is since when did the legion become an internet purveyor of trinkets-clothing-cheap jewellery, umbrellas, coffee mugs and medals 

God Bless and keep readinglegion-products

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The Silent(sometimes) Legion

legionWhenever the Legion believe they are right and I’m wrong they respond almost immediately. When I complained about the silly legion medals they quickly chastised me by pointing out many organization produce and wear their own medals. They cited groups like the Masons, Knights of Columbus and even cadets. I found it just a wee bit ridiculous to include cadets. This is a military/youth organization and is open to children between the ages of 12 and 18. On their 19th birthday they can on longer be a cadet.   Once they are no longer cadets they cannot wear the cadet medals. As for the Masons/Knights they mostly wear their medals at closed functions, church parades and sometimes in local street parades. The legion wear their many medals at almost any occasion/photo ops, both local and national.tomeagles2004

When one objects to these legion medals we are quickly told the medals are earned and the recipients wear them with pride. When these same people are asked if its okay for an 80 year old widow to wear her late husbands war medals she is told no. The reasons given can vary, it dilutes the value of the medal, or its the law and we are just obeying it.

In my 8th February 2017 blog, I raised the question of why no background checks are required when a civilian joins the legion as either an associate voting or non voting member. To date no response! Funny how the people at Dominion Command are so quick off the mark on some questions and completely ignore others. Could it be possible some of the 200.000 (estimated) associate members have criminal records in their pasts? However, would it ever occur to clapping civilians watching a Remembrance Day Parade that any of those medal bedecks associates are not the pride of the legions.  A veteran who receives a dishonourable discharge from the service, cannot join the legion yet according to legion bylaws associates/civilians apparently are always honourable?

Dominion are aware of my blog, I sent a copy to Bruce Poulin, communications officer at Dominion. While he is usually quick of the mark to tell me I’m wrong, on this subject there has been no response, quick or otherwise?????? Makes one think????????150-medalbeaumont-hamel

Don’t forget to order your medals from Dominion Command only $25 ea plus P&P. Oh! sorry according to the president of PEI Provincial Command I have taken this out of context!! Legion doesn’t sell medals they are earned? Hmmm! but they are still only $25 each?

God Bless and keep reading

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