A Little Sunday Humour

A pensioner drove his brand new Austin Seven (Turbo model) 100 mph, looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140 , then 150, … then …155, … Suddenly he thought, “I’m too old for this nonsense !” So he pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the police car to catch up with him.
The officer walked up to him, looked at his watch and said, “Sir, my shift ends in ten minutes. Today is Friday and I’m taking off for the weekend with my family. If you can give me a good reason that I’ve never heard before, why you were speeding… I’ll let you go.”
The Man looked very seriously at the police man, and replied :- “Years ago, my wife ran off with a policeman, I thought you were bringing her back.” !!!
The Cop left saying, ” Have a good day, Sir “…

God Bless and keep reading

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The Mighty Austin Seven.

My Austin Seven and Me.(circa 1960)

In the nineteen fifties and sixties I prided myself, as most boys did, in recognizing the many individual makes and models of cars on the road. Today it is all but impossible to tell one car from the next, they all look alike.
I get dizzy thinking about all the amazing changes that have taken place in the last fifty years. CD players, cup holders, ABS brakes, computerized engines, three speed wipers, back up cameras and airbags are but a few .The Austin Seven had none of these accessories in fact it was probably one of the world’s most basic vehicles. The car came with a seven horsepower side valve engine, six-volt electrical system and one tiny vacuum operated wiper for the driver. It was fortunate the car was not fast, best speed was about thirty miles per hour with a favourable wind. The mechanical brakes left much to be desired.

The Austin was not large if you are familiar with Henry Ford’s Model T the Baby Austin was about a third the size. The petrol tank was in front just behind the engine. There was no fuel pump, fuel fed to the carburettor via gravity. It was a simple method and usually worked well. However, I did encounter a problem once when I was a bit low on petrol. These were the days when I could only afford to purchase one gallon at a time. I was urging the little car to climb a very steep hill one evening and failed. It stalled and seemed to have run out of petrol about half way up the hill. I couldn’t try to restart as I was holding the brake pedal on with all my might and losing. The car was slowly slipping backward down the hill. I carefully eased the pedal and let it coast to the bottom. Once on a flat I tried the engine again and it started right up. I was a bit surprised but put it down to a quirk in this strange little car. Once more I started up the hill and at about the same spot the car stalled a second time. It dawned on me the carburettor wasn’t getting fuel the steep hill was causing my meagre fuel supply to run to the back of the tank. The obvious solution was to turn the car around and reverse to the top. Once over the hill I turned the car in the right direction and continued on my way.

In the summer of 1960 I was doing my submarine training at HMS Dolphin in Gosport. The town of Gosport is on the opposite side and a short ferry ride to Portsmouth harbour.
One evening heading toward the ferry I came upon a little Austin Seven with a for sale sign on the windshield. Finding the owner I asked how much he wanted for the car. “Eight quid mate”, he said. This was beyond my meagre means taking into account I’d need insurance and a tax disc on top of the initial purchase price. He started the engine and it ran well, he offered to take me for a drive. He demonstrated the wiper working and flipped out each trafficator in turn. He switched on the lights and assured me the tires and brakes were good. I was very keen but simply could not afford the eight pounds. I explained that the car was just too expensive and I’d have to leave it. Disappointed I turned to continue my trip to the ferry. But before I got very far he called out to me “well how much can you pay then?” I was a bit embarrassed but managed to mumble five pounds was my limit. The owner muttered something under his breath, undoubtedly something unpleasant about me. “Okay”, he said, “I must be crazy but you can have it for a fiver”. It was a proud young sailor that drove back through the main gate of HMS Dolphin that evening.
It was a marvellous little car and fun to drive once I got used to the many quirks. I learned to be careful applying the brakes. Too heavy a foot and the car veered to port into oncoming traffic. Mechanical brakes tend to do that if not perfectly adjusted, and it is quite impossible to reach an adjustment even close to perfect on an Austin Seven.

A few weeks after buying the car I completed my submarine training and was ordered to join HM/SM Amphion. The Amphion was refitting in Portsmouth harbour so taking the Austin with me wasn’t a problem. However using the little car in the dockyard could often be hazardous. There were tram tracks everywhere in the yards and it was all too easy for my front wheel to become trapped in one. When this happened the car would veer off in the direction of the tracks taking me away from my intended destination. It was difficult and sometimes dangerous to flip the wheel out of a track too quickly. The car was lightweight and the whole body could easily flip over. But there were also advantages to its size and weight. One afternoon I drove three shipmates down to a pub in Old Portsmouth. The Coal Scuttle was a pub located out on the point at the entrance to the harbour. When we arrived parking spaces near the pub were scarce. We spotted one small space that the car would fit into, but it was without room to manoeuvre. I drove the nose into the space and my shipmates lifted the rear of the car and walked it into place. A perfect two point parking exercise.

Toward the end of the summer and the refit coming to an end I decided it was time to sell the Austin. Once the refit was over we would be sailing to Scotland to carry out trials and training. After trials Amphion was headed to Halifax, Nova Scotia to join the Sixth Canadian Submarine Squadron. I’d be away from home for the next two years. I decided to pay a visit to my brother in Bristol before selling the car.
I didn’t consider the 180 to 200 mile return journey to be beyond the Austin in fact I never worried about breakdowns or such. Ah! The joys of youth or was it perhaps the ignorance of all things mechanical.
I set off on a sunny Friday afternoon chugging along the main “A”road into Somerset. There were no motorways or fast highways back then which was probably an advantage for a 7hp engine. About an hour into the journey I found myself stuck behind a double-decker bus. The bus frequently stopped to pick up or let passengers off. Each time it stopped there was too much oncoming traffic for me to attempt to pass.

Finally we reach a long straight stretch of road that was free of traffic. This was my moment and I edged my brave little car out beside the bus. I estimated the bus was doing 29mph and I was maybe nearing 31mph as I drew up along side the rear of the bus. Slowly the Austin inched forward the front wheel of the bus was now visible and the road ahead still clear. It looked like I was finally going to get passed, my foot was to the floor and the Austin was giving its all. At that moment disaster struck. The radiator cap flew off and a coating of brown oily gooey water hit the windshield. I couldn’t see the road ahead and could only see the bus through the side window. It was gaining on me now and I realized my bid to pass had failed. I couldn’t see if there was any oncoming traffic and I was still on the wrong side of the road. This was the moment I learned a good lesson, when you really need something its usually when it lets you down. My wiper refused to work.

I survived and was able to pull over to the side of the road as the bus disappeared over the horizon. It took me all of thirty minutes to find my radiator cap and clean the gooey mess off the windshield. I eventually reached my brother’s home in Bristol. Before returning to Portsmouth on Sunday I tried to talk him into buying it. No luck he wasn’t interested telling me it didn’t have enough power for his likening.
I returned safely to Portsmouth without further bus incidents and a week or so before we sailed for Scotland sold my trusty Austin for four quid and half a tot (Tot being a naval issue of rum). I was sorry to see it go, I’d had a lot of fun and have never forgot this strange little motorcar. Thank you Mr Herbert Austin.

The End.  God Bless and keep reading

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Borrowing from Peter to pay Paul

I’m certainly no expert when it comes to government finances, then again nor are the politicians that spend our tax dollars. However, it’s not rocket science to figure out, when you borrow money you will have to pay interest. With that in mind let’s talk about the KM pipe line purchase. It started out at 4.5 Billion plus 7.5 billion to complete. Next the completion phase was raised to 9.5 billion. By my reckoning that is a total of approximately 14 billion dollars. What we are not being told is the actual cost. Trudeau and his government are borrowing this 14 billion dollars to build this pipe line. Nevertheless, the total cost of borrowing remains a mystery ! I doubt this will be a short term low interest loan so I can only imagine the rate of interest. Trudeau tell us this is good for Canada??? My question is this, how good will it be for future generations of Canadians long after Trudeau is gone? They will be left paying for this pipe line folly long after the world has stopped using fossil fuels?

God Bless and keep reading

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Kmart Auto Centres Frolics and Fopars

I began working as a mechanic at the Dartmouth Kmart Auto Centre (Uniroyal operated the centres) in 1968. I left Uniroyal after eight years in 1975. I was at that time the centre manager in the Sudbury Store. During my time with the company I witness both funny and serious situations. In the Dartmouth store in 1969 we received a shipment of retread snow tires at a very good price. They were first advertised on the morning of a heavy snow fall, it wasn’t planned! I arrived at the auto centre at a few minutes before ten, opening time. There was already a large line up outside the bays, all were here for snow tires. Boy it was a busy morning and the retreads disappears of the racks rapidly. The boss was very please with himself, he’d had a very good day and it was still early afternoon. However, by 4 pm the purchasers of the cheap and cheerful retreads were returning in droves, some carrying the retread strip over their shoulders! these customers were not happy campers. The new tires had only covered a few miles when the treads separated from the tire casing. This was one of the worst days at the Dartmouth Auto Centre.

A few years later I was manager of the Windsor store (By the Bridge) when a customer came in and handed me a speeding ticket. He claimed we were responsible for the ticket because we had tuned his car up a few days earlier. That damn Kmart Policy!!! Customer Satisfaction or Money Cheerfully Refunded. Nevertheless, I stood my ground on this complaint and refused to pay his ticket.

Way back on Christmas Eve in 1972 at the Tecumseh Rd Kmart Auto Centre and Gas Bar in Windsor.  In those days the store was open from 10am to 10pm six days a week. On Christmas Eve it was only open 10am to 6 pm. I went into work that morning as usual, happy and expecting a fairly quiet day. Not many people would be looking for brake jobs-alignments-oil changes etc. Even inside the store it was not going to be very busy, just a few last minute shoppers rushing around looking for a stocking stuffer or such.  The morning passed with very little work, a couple of minor jobs in the shop, a couple of purchases at the cash register. Around 2pm an old Chev drove up to the doors, the driver said he needed a tune up the car was running rough. We brought him in did the tune up and wish him a Merry Christmas.  By three o’clock he was backing out of the bay smiling and happy. By 4.30pm things were really quiet and I was about to let the mechanics go home early, That was when my tune up customer walked back in !. He told me the car was working great then just after he filled up with gas he got about half way across the parking lot and it stalled, and now refuses to start. I sent the mechanics to push the car into the bay so we could check it out. I was quite sure it was nothing to do with the tune up. In the garage the engine turned over but would not fire. One of the guys poured gas into the carb and the engine immediately came to life but only for a moment. We were scratching our heads trying to decide what to try next when another motorist walked into the shop, same problem. Ah Ha says I, must be bad gas, both customers told me they had just filled up at our gas bar. Fortunately the gas bar out at the front of the parking area had a Shell Logo, so people did not connect it to K Mart Auto Centre. I certainly wasn’t going to tell them either!! they were just pleased that we were helping them. I immediately phone the gas bar to tell them to close up not to sell any more gas. The young fellow running the pumps answered the phone saying, Oh glad you called, I think we have water in our regular underground gas storage tank, I have four stalled cars out here, what shall I do. Ugh!!! six cars with water in their gas tanks and its already 5pm. The boys in the shop had by now managed to siphon off the gas from the Chev and added 5 gals of high test that we’d brought over from the gas bar. The car started first time and the happy owner asked me what he owed? Nothing sir, we will bill the Shell people (just a wee white lie). One car down five to go, but the problems increased as we found different shaped tanks that we couldn’t siphon completely empty. Why North American cars didn’t have drain plugs on the tanks was something I thought I should bring to the attention of the Big Three once I got out of this dreadful mess. The boys had to remove the tanks on two of the cars in order to drain them properly. Two others cars we were able to lower the tank enough and remove the gas gauge sending unit then siphon through the hole. Finally around six thirty pm the last car drove off and we all breathed a sigh of relief. But wait for it!! now I had another major problem. While draining the gas off we had used four empty 40 gal oil drums to store the old gas in.
I got the guys to screw the caps on tight and we wheeled roll and wrestled the heavy barrels out side the garage doors and stood them upright against the store wall. However I realized I couldn’t leave them there over the holidays they were a dangerous fire hazard. What to do???The store was close up by this time and the security guard was on my back to lock up the garage. I told him to go — well you can guess where I told him to go. I phoned the nearby fire station and explained my situation to the person who answered the phone. He wasn’t interested, said it was Christmas Eve (like I didn’t know) and he was very busy and this wasn’t the responsibly of the fire department. Just a cigarette butt or match to set it off and it wasn’t his responsibility??? Again I was scratching my head, who do I call now? the police of course. I call the Windsor Police Dept and this time the person answering took my situation seriously and suggested I call the Fire Marshall. He gave me the number and I called, it was now 7.30pm, after a moment the Marshall came on the line, he didn’t sound pleased to be disturbed on this particular evening. Nevertheless he did take my concerns seriously and assured me he would have the barrels picked up within the hour. True to his word a local fire chief arrived along with a truck fitted with a tailgate lift. Ten minutes and the barrels were loaded and gone. My quiet day was over! maybe, I locked up and headed for the front entrance of the darkened store to go home. The security guy who I had earlier told to – you know what, wasn’t pleased to see me and took his time getting around to turning off the alarm and letting me out. I wished him a Merry Christmas

One of my funny moments was when an elderly lady drove into the centre in her Austin Mini. She explained it was making an awful noise. Once I listened, it was obvious what the problem was, I told her she had and exhaust leak. She became quite indignant and straightened to her full height and said., Young man I might be an old woman but I’m not stupid, if my car was leaking I’d have seen a puddle in my driveway. You people are always trying to take advantage of seniors!!! We did fix her exhaust in the end, but she never apologized for accusing me of being underhanded. Just memories now! but all in all fun times.

PS the photo is of an Australian Kmart, they are long gone in Canada

God Bless and keep reading

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New Saint for the Catholic Church

New Saint for the Catholic Church
Posted on Aug 12th 2018
by irishroverpei

Last Saturday afternoon, in Ottawa, Ontario an aide to PM Justin Trudeau visited the Cardinal of the Catholic cathedral in Ottawa. He told the Cardinal that PM Justin Trudeau would be attending the next mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Trudeau to the congregation and say a few words that would include calling Trudeau a saint.
The Cardinal replied, “No. I don’t really like the Man, and there are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Trudeau’s views.
Trudeau’s aide then said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for a donation of $10,000 to your church if you’ll just tell the congregation you see Trudeau as a saint.”
The Cardinal thought about it and said, “Well, the church can use the money, so I’ll work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.”
As Trudeau’s aide promised, Trudeau appeared for the Sunday worship and seated himself prominently at the forward left side of the centre aisle. As promised, at the start of his sermon, the Cardinal pointed out that Trudeau was present. The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, “While PM Trudeau’s presence is probably an honour to some, the man is not numbered among my personal favourite personages. Some of his views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and he tends to flip-flop on many other issues. Justin Trudeau is a petty, self-absorbed hypocrite, a thumb sucker and a nit-wit. Justin Trudeau is also a serial liar, a cheat, and a thief. I must say, Justin Trudeau is the worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed. He married for money and is using his wealth to lie to the Canadian people. He also has a reputation for shirking his MP obligations, both In Ottawa and in Quebec. The man is simply not to be trusted.”
The Cardinal concluded, “But, when compared with Kathleen Wynne, Trudeau is a Saint.”
God Bless and keep reading

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An Amazing Surprise

As my health slowly improved, my life long hobby and cravings for an old car came back with a vengeance!! For months I trolled kijiji and other car sites looking for what? I wasn’t sure????Just a convertible car that I could take to car shows. Last week Caroline asked me to spend a few days with her in Bedford. On the Wednesday morning I woke up to find an amazing surprise sitting in the driveway. Caroline and Susannah between them bought me a car, Wow what a car, I’d seen it advertised on Kijiji but decided it was too expensive. I have to be careful with my savings incase I require more treatment not covered by PEI health. Having two wonderful daughters is a blessing that can only be describe as a gift from God.

The car is a 1991 Pontiac Firefly LE convertible, quite rare these days and a fun car to drive with its tiny three cylinder engine. I drove it home from Bedford sticking to the back roads, its been a while since I drove such a long distance. It worked great
with good gas mileage and a CD playing Marty Robbins gunfighter songs. I’m still finding it hard to believe its my car!!! but I registered it this morning and installed a nice new license plate. So yes its my very own car, and a beautiful vehicle to take to car shows. One very happy Dad here.

God Bless and keep reading

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The Unending Legion Complaints

Another Veterans Point of View!!!
re-posted on August 8th 2018
by irishroverpei

They keep coming folks! so many angry and dissatisfied veterans out there. Having read the retired CWO email it seems clear to me to whom he is referring. Tom Eagles, I wonder if your ears are burning, they should be. Its strange but every time I think of Eagles I also think of his fourteen cheap and phoney medals! 

Royden Messer CWO Retired Ex RSM 8CH 1975-77 commented on Outrage at legion action

My reply is easy and simple. I have been an ordinary member of the Legion for 26 years and with the information disclosed in these posts I refuse to be any part of it. If civilians want to run the Legion into the ground they will be doing it without my support. The refusal to not disclose the disbursement of funds, wages, expense accounts, vacationing all over the world with wives and families in tow and getting preferences for bursaries, miss use of Poppy Funds for sports meet is the straw that broke this old camels back. “I QUIT” My small contributions have ended . I no longer wish to belong to what was once a proud, legitimate organization which has lowered their moral obligations to the Veteran to the low level they have achieved. Sad, sad times. I personally will always REMEMBER and NEVER FORGET.

Well said Royden, can you hear the clapping of the thousands who agree with you?
God Bless and keep reading

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Letter to Editor Journal Pioneer 7th Aug 2018

Using the term “First Past the Post” is apparently ludicrous according to a gentleman by the name of Jeffery Warren Reynolds! See his post in todays (7th Aug) letters to editor Journal Pioneer)  Mr Reynolds goes on to explain at some length that an election is not a horse race and there is no “Post”. I’m not going to quote much else in his letter, he clearly belongs to either the Liberal or PC party. Or possibly he holds a lucrative patronage position within one of those party’s! Patronage is not a word he uses in his letter, nor does he mention the corporate monies the two major party’s receive from the Irving/McCain boys. He doesn’t mention the toxic spraying of the land, the pollution of our waterways, the fish kills, Geo Sweep, E Gaming, Wades brothers land and so much more. He refers to the Green Party as a fringe party and they only want PR to gain more control. He claims if we elect any of these fringe party’s we will end up with higher taxes! It wasn’t the Green Party that imposed the HST on islanders or approved higher electric rates. I fail to see the logic in Mr Reynolds statement. To suggest its correct to have a party elected with a majority while winning only approximately 40% of the vote!!! Now surely that is ludicrous! Why should 60% of the voting population have no say in who is in government. Proportional Representation will put and end to this lopsided two main party merry-go-round. In my conclusion, this is just another scare tactic/propaganda from the PCs or Liberals

Vote Green! or whoever!!!!

God Bless and keep reading

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Go To The Polls Or Not Go To The Polls

THAT IS THE QUESTION!

I’m no political expert, but it seems we have a potential election possible in the near future, perhaps as early as this Fall? When I say I’m no expert, it means I have no inside information, no political contacts or other sources. Its just a feeling along with the recent juggling within both the Federal and Provincial governments. Lets start with the Provincial government! Just recently the mayor of Charlottetown (Clifford Lee) announced he is stepping down? he was appointed to a lucrative government job looking into shortages with low income housing. I suspect he is planning to run for the liberals in his Charlottetown riding?  I few other candidates have announced their intention to run for the liberals in the upcoming election. Probably the most note worthy one is Gordon Neilly, remember him? he almost won a seat in the last election for the NDP. He certainly gave the liberals and in particular Cathleen Casey a scare.  MacLauchlan moved quickly to win Neilly over with some patronage appointment.  Now that Casey is stepping down, good old flip flop Gordy will be running for the liberals.

The Federal liberals too are making strange noises that point to a federal election in the wind. Cabinet shuffle! Trudeau is appearing to play hard ball with Trump? is this to win the votes of those Trump haters in Canada? Trudeau is taking many photo opportunities over the last few weeks(not that he ever missed a photo op). In particular the Pride Parade where he was featured front and centre. I only hope the Gay Community are not taken in by this, because this is all about winning your votes. I sincerely hope we Canadians remember the mess this liberal government have created. Can anyone really believe the Finance Minister’s claim, he forgot about owning a villa in the South of France??? Why are the RCMP arresting an 70 year old lady for peacefully protesting a pipe line we neither need or more importantly can’t afford. It is time for all Canadians to take a real hard look at the sort of people asking for our support and vote. Oh! did I forget to mention Doug Ford? We must surely look at changing the FPTP system to the more balanced system of Proportional Representation. 

Those are my thoughts for this hot and dry (climate change)Monday morning.

God Bless and keep reading

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A Little Sunday Humour

Two old Submarines were out on a last night on the town. After a few drinks they decided to visit the local brothel

The madam saw them coming and thought to herself. Hmm, I’m not going to waste two of my girls on these old geezers. She whispered to one of her girls to go up stairs and put a blow up doll in each bed.

The old submariners went up stairs to their rooms to do their business. Walking home later, the first one said, I think my girl was dead,  why would you say that, asked the other guy. Well she never moved or made any sounds!  The second submariner said, I think mine was a witch. A witch? what made you think she was a witch? Well, I was loving her and began kissing her neck, then I took a little bite. She farted and flew out the window.

and took my teeth with her!!!!!!

God Bless and keep reading

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