Weekend Funnies

Corned Beef

A man went into a deli shop and took a seat at the lunch counter. “Give me a corned beef sandwich,” he ordered.

“Corned beef sandwich is not on the menu, but I can give you a sandwich with corned beef in it, like our Midnight Special.”

“What’s a Midnight Special?”

“A triple decker with corned beef, tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle, and mayonnaise, on toasted raisin bread.”

“Could you just place a piece of corned beef between two slices of white bread and serve it to me on a plate?”

“Why, sure!” Then, turning to the sandwich man, he sang out: “One Midnight Special. Make it one deck; hold the tongue, bologna, tomato, lettuce, onion, pickle, and mayonnaise; and make the raisin bread white, untoasted!”

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Sleeping.

Why is sleeping-in considered lazy but going to bed early isn’t?

I’m starting the #All Sleep Matters movement

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Merlin and the Chap

A chap walks up to another chap in a pointed hat and says: “You’re Merlin, aren’t you?”

Merlin: “Why, yes … it’s nice to be recognized!”

Chap: “Bit of a wizard, I hear?”

Merlin, “Well, yes, I’ve been told I’m skilled.”

Chap: “Do tricks and things, don’t ya? Magical stuff?”

Merlin: “Magical – yes, that’s correct.”

Chap: “Turn kings into frogs and that sort of thing … is that right?”

Merlin: “Well, yes, I suppose I could turn a king into a frog.”

Chap: “Ever mucked up – ya know, made a mistake?”

Merlin: “Well, yes – hasn’t everyone?”

Chap: “Can you reverse a curse?”

Merlin: “Yes, I can, with knowledge of who applied the curse and the actual words of enchantment, I could do it. Why?”

Chap: “I’m cursed.”

Merlin: “Really? And how long have you been bewitched?”

Chap: “Years.”

Merlin: “Do you know the words spoken over you to lay this curse?”

Chap: “Yeah – can’t forget them!”

Merlin: “What were they?”

Chap: “Something like: ‘Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?'”

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Eat Your Breakfast

An actual conversation a friend of mine had this morning with her son:

HER: “Eat your breakfast.”

HIM: “Why?”

HER: “You want to grow up to be super smart, don’t you?”

HIM: “No. I want to grow up to be like daddy.”

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Mother-in-Law Advice

A woman calls her mother-in-law, “Can you tell me who change the child if it poops itself? The Mum or the Dad?”

“It is always the mother, honey.”

“Okay then, can you come over please? Your son got drunk and shit himself.”

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Drinking and Driving 

I would like to share a personal experience with my friends about drinking and driving. This might save you the cost and embarrassment of being arrested for DUI.

As you know, people have been known to have unexpected brushes with the authorities from time to time, often on the way home after a “social session” with family or friends.

Well, this year, it happened to me. I was out for the evening to a party and had more than several margaritas coupled with a bottle of rather nice red wine. It was held at a great Mexican restaurant.

Although relaxed, I still had the common sense to know I was slightly over the limit. That’s when I did something I’ve never done before.. I took a taxi home.

On the way home there was a police roadblock, but since it was a taxi they waved it past and I arrived home safely without incident. These roadblocks can be anywhere and I realized how lucky I was to have chosen to take a taxi.

The real surprise to me was I had never driven a taxi before. I don’t know where I got it, and now that it’s in my garage I don’t know what to do with it.

If you want to borrow it, please give me a call.

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Brothers

At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen.

“Paddy,” he asked casually, “didn’t you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?”

“That I did.”

“And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny world. Things in life aren’t divided equally, are they?”

“No, that they ain’t,” agreed Paddy, as he proudly slapped the mortar along the line of bricks. “My poor brother couldn’t do this to save his life!”

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Replacement of Hannah Bell

With great sadness and regret I would like to say Hannah will be a huge loss to the Green Party. Replacing her will be a much bigger challenge than anyone can imagine. We have elected five wonderful female MLAs, very fine young dedicated people. Hard working, caring, honest and motivated to help islanders. That is not to take anything away from the three hard working male MLAs. However, replacing a retiring MLA is always difficult, replacing Hannah Bell will really be more than just tough. How many people will come forward to offer? Not an easy question, we have no way of knowing. My personal choice would Susan Hartley, or perhaps Darcie Lanthier, but of course I have no control over their decisions. Just my own hopeful wishes. Another great candidate could be Anna Keenan, although both Anna and Darcie have run for the federal Greens. In the meantime my fingers are crossed for a great new candidate. Only time will tell, if I wasn’t so Green I would be sad and blue
God Bless and keep reading

New Liberal Leader

Looking back over the years of liberal governments, it should give pause before voting in another one. Sharon Cameron will tell she is a different kind of leader? If you ask her how she will be different, she will tell you something like this. It is my intention to do politics differently, I shall be open, honest and above all transparent. Wow, how original is that? I think we might have heard similar over the years of liberal policies. Indeed that has been pretty much the promise of liberals going back several decades. They were reduced to third party status for good reasons. Ghiz, MacLauchlan, and the many other liberal leaders made promise after promise, but failed again and again. So folks, do not be taken in by this new leader, who will make you more promises. Promises that will never be realized if Sharon Cameron is or elected. Think carefully in the next election, both Liberal and PCs have thwarted Proportional Representation. They did so out of fear they would lose control, and under a PR system they definitely would.
God Bless and vote wisely

ATVs

Interesting that the ATV club have a proposal to allow them on the highways to visit coffee shops and cafes. Also so they can go to service stations to gas up. Gee! I thought they already did all those things. Hardly a day goes by that an ATV doesn’t roars up or down our road. Many times hauling a trailer, or having a young child aboard. We passed one who was in middle of the road. After blowing the horn several times for him to move over, he moved and waved a bottle of beer at us. Perhaps it is time to make it mandatory they are licensed and insured. If they are going to use public roads then they should pay for the privilege like the rest of us. These two side by side units are about as close as can be described as a car. Motorcycles require licenses and insurance, and like automobiles are safety inspected yearly. It’s about time these ATVs paid the same as motorists plus should be safety inspected annually.
Just my thoughts.
God Bless and keep reading

Grab Back

Nothing is ever for free. The King Government has some 77 million in extra taxes from inflation. Dennis brags about handing out cash and other benefits. The bicycle and electric bicycle rebate. The big rebate on purchase of electric cars. That really is a good one eh! The free heat pumps to those who qualify. Now the latest he will ask the feds to reduce the bridge toll to $20. Anyone besides me think an election is coming. However, before you get too excited to re-elect this generous premier, have a careful thought. The income tax reports are coming soon, how much of those handouts will be clawed back. Have you given any thought to the big increase coming for property taxes. Like I said nothing is ever for free.
God Bless and keep reading

Weekend Funnies

Forest Ranger



A new forestry graduate receives his first five-year posting way out in the middle of a huge forest with no people around for miles.



Included in the survival gear that they give him, much to his surprise, is a martini kit.



When he asks why he’s receiving a martini kit, he is told, “Sometime, a few years down the road when the solitude *really* starts to get to you, you’re going to remember your martini kit. You’re going to get it out and start making one and before you know it you’re going to have somebody looking over your shoulder saying, ‘That’s not the correct way to make a martini!'”



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Stranger Danger



Mum: “If a stranger came up to you and said ‘I’m your Mum’s friend, she told me to pick you up.’ What would you say?”



Child: “I’d say ‘You’re lying, my Mum has no friends.”



Mum: “Not where I was going, but ok.”



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Weapon of Choice



This lady gave me her food order. I repeated it back and told her, “That comes to $6.66.”



She said, “Oh no. I don’t like that total. Better throw in a dim sim.”



Surely this woman is an inspiration. She’s out here fighting off the powers of Satan with a dim sim as her weapon of choice.



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Billionaires Choice



If we wanted to boldly send billionaires where no billionaires have been before, we could have just sent them to the tax office.



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Author of LILY & ME , and THE ROYAL NAVY & ME
Visit blog and website?? http://www.irishroversbooks.com

Private Medical Centres!

Listening to Doug Ford claim he is going to send patients to private health care centres is concerning. These private operations are springing up everywhere. Recently my wife had to go to Moncton (waiting 2years)for cataract surgery, the cost over $3000 not including three trips from the island. It was essential because she is our only driver. The bridge cost or gas could not be claimed as medical expense because a doctor had not arranged it. My wife only waited about one month, and was there for roughly three hours, My concern, if these private for profit clinics can succeed, why can’t public health? Why can’t Health PEI not offer the same services, what are these new Medical Homes for? I hear the excuse the operating room availability is limited. However, the private clinics do not have operating rooms but can still do the surgery. I believe the government have caused too many road blocks. The surgery takes approximately 5-10 minutes so why do we have such long waiting lists. If the cataract surgeries took place in a medical home I think about ten
per day would be possible. It leaves me wondering if this government really is taking this health crisis seriously?
God Bless and keep reading

New Liberal Leader??

It is most interesting how the liberals and conservatives like to blame each. Almost like it is an agreed policy. Liberals were in power for three term approximately fifteen years and the health system was in a mess. Now we have a new liberal hopeful, Sharon Cameron, apparently she will fix the system if elected. The Conservative’s claimed they would clean up the liberal health mess if elected four years ago. Now the liberals are going to clean up the conservatives mess if they we will elect them. Sounds very much like these two Party’s think they have a revolving door, in out in out! It’s time we think carefully before casting a vote in this coming election. I seriously believe this is time to try another party. I really don’t care how you vote as long as it is not Liberal or conservative. Please think, do you want the same old patronage governments. Or some new people who we hope will be honest and actually work for Islanders.  Do not be fooled, Sharon Cameron will be smooth with lots of promises, just like Ghiz and MacLauchlan before her. Those are my thoughts, I’m tried of hearing the same old promises, “we will look into it” or “it’s in the planning stages” etc
God bless and keep reading.

Climate Deniers

When we look around the World today at the dreadful weather conditions everywhere. One has to wonder where are all those people that denied climate change. The same people that said this is just a normal cycle of the weather on Earth. I would really like to hear what they have to say now. Could they please explain the normal cycle of flooding in California, the tornados in the Midwest, the hurricanes, or even the unusual winter conditions right here on PEI. If the recent unseasonable heavy rain we experienced in West Prince, had been snow we’d be digging out for weeks.
Just seems to me we are seeing some very severe changing weather patterns. It also seems increasing our carbon tax is not going to do much to change anything. It is a wee bit like closing the barn door after the horse has bolted.
God Bless and keep reading
Sent from my iPad

My Birthday Wishes

The 15th January 2023 was a very busy day on my FB page. I received birthday greetings from all across the globe. From New Zealand to Italy, from Ireland to England and from British Columbia to Nova Scotia. Let us not forget the old US of A. From family, friends and my old shipmates. I feel truly blesses to have so many many friends. Besides my birthday greetings on my FB, just as many or more came via Linda’s FB page too. I’m overwhelmed with the amazing number of people who remember my special day. I feel very humbled but also very proud to have so many dear friends. I can only offer a sincere thank you to each and every one of you. I wish I could thank each of you in person. God Bless you all as today I feel so very blessed. As if this wasn’t enough, the soccer team I have supported since my childhood, Arsenal, defeated Tottenham Hotspur 2-0 today in what was a great rivalry match.
Thank you all again.