A LITTLE WEEKEND HUMOUR

Rest Your Mind

I know you have been laying awake at night wondering why baby diapers have brand names such as ‘Luvs’ ‘Huggies’ and ‘Pampers, while undergarments for old people are called ‘Depends’.

Well here is the low down on the whole thing.

When babies crap in their pants, people are still gonna Luv’em, Hug’em and Pamper’em. When old people crap in their pants, it ‘Depends’ on who’s in the will.

Glad I got that straightened out so you can rest your mind.

Tasmania (

A senior citizen in Tasmania was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Tasmania”

When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Tasmania ‘cause everything happens in Tasmania 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”

Unhealthy Chocolate

They say every piece of chocolate eaten shortens your life by two minutes.

I’ve done the maths.

Seems I died in 1537.

Married Life

–      Life was so simple before I got married. I had absolutely no idea that there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge

–      My wife told me she thought we’d have less arguments if I wasn’t so pedantic. I told her ‘I think you mean fewer’.

–      I treated the wife to one of those ‘fish pedicures’ and I must say I was very pleased with the result. Those piranhas don’t mess about!

Quotes About Science

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage. – Mark Russel

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity. – Albert Einstein

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws. – Douglas Adams

When you get right down to it, almost every explanation Man came up with for anything until about 1926 was stupid. – Dave Berry

If we knew what we were doing, it would not be called research, would it? – Albert Einstein

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. – Bill Watterson

If it’s green or wriggles, it’s biology. If it stinks, it’s chemistry. If it doesn’t work, it’s physics. – Handy Guide to Science

Who Rules This House???

Yesterday at 5.30am Rosie woke me up, I assumed she needed out. As a dutiful pet owner I got out of bed and headed down stairs. However, Rosie didn’t follow, instead she climbed into my warm spot in my bed! I didn’t bother going back to bed, just dozed in my chair. Today again, at 5.25am Rosie barked, so once again I got up, this time she did need to go out. When she returned I again decided to just nap in my chair. Rosie climbed into Linda’s chair next to me. Linda came down, she needed a drink of water and decided like me, to nap in her chair. She picked Rosie up and placed her on my knee, covered her with a blanket. Moments later, Rosie off my knee and barking at the foot of Linda’s chair. Linda got out of her chair to see what Rosie wanted. The moment she vacated the chair Rosie leaped into it. Linda gave up and decided it was easier to just go back to bed. We have had many dogs in our lifetime, three Doberman, and several other large breeds, they all knew who the boss was. Now we have this little half pint 12-14 lbs monster who thinks he is our boss!! She is so cute and we are so taken by her there is nothing we can do but submit. Bark! Bark! Sorry Rosie I’m coming, your wish is my command!

Norboro Junk Yard

Minister Jameson

I’m writing this to you and other involved members of government. I have sent several emails in the past with no positive results. I have been informed by your department that the said business has a permit. I inquired into how or if this business is inspected. I’m told it is inspected once a year. I then asked what this yearly inspection involves, apparently the inspectors check to see if the waste fluid tank is being used. I’m also informed by your dept that the operator leaves the oil in the engines so they will not seize. However, in his next statement he tells me the operator is waiting for the price of scrap to rise before he has the vehicles crushed and shipped. If the second explanation is valid and the cars are crushed why leave oil in the engines?

The place is an absolute mess and a fire hazard, I do not believe all fluids are being drained. Cars contain oil, anti-freeze, brake fluid, gasoline and probably other pollutants. The land is on a deep slope to a drainage gutter beside a dirt road. The business is also surrounded by farm land. Your dept makes no mention of taking soil or water samples in the area, yet there is almost certainly contaminates in the soil and water.

The business is an eye sore, but more importantly it follows no sense of order. The vehicles are dumped in no particular order, they are piled two and three high, they are scattered in the bushes and brush and the spread is growing daily. There have been no visual attempts to fence or tidy up the mess. I cannot imagine this operation is following Environmental regulations. Under these circumstances the said inspectors are not doing their job to full effect.

I have sent you emails in the past, I have contacted MLA Lunn Lund whom I believe raised the issue with you before. This time I’m including MLA MacKay, not sure if it is in district, however, he lives nearby and will hopefully have noticed this disgraceful mess. I’m also sharing with MP Easter; it is in his district and while he is Federal, his Government must also be concerned with the environment. Mr. Easter should be concerned with what is happening in his voting district. I hope this issue will be taken seriously this time, to date the Provincial Government have shown little concern for the two topics that I have raised. The Junk Yard and Clear-Cutting.

I remain, Respectfully concerned citizen F.Ben Rodgers. Abram Village PE

/>Author of LILY & ME , and THE ROYAL NAVY & ME

Visit blog and website?? http://www.irishroversbooks.com

Finally a response from Environment Minister

Posted on January 19, 2021 by irishroverpeiI think the first sentence of her letter says it all! Landowners have been very clear with Government that they do not support having activities in “THEIR” forests regulated. Gee! there are a lot of Government regulations that I do not support, but have no choice but to obey them. Besides which, is the grass we walk on, the water we drink and the air we breath not belong to all of us?? I don’t disagree the woodlot owners should have some freedom to manage their property. However, if they are clear cutting then re-planting must be mandatory and clearly regulated. I have to wonder if this forest group fall into the same category as industrial farming, digging large holding ponds, land purchases etc. Is it possibly the Conservatives watch who and where their votes will come from in the next election. I will conclude by highlighting one more typical government response
“We are beginning a Review????how many times have we heard that little nugget?

Letter from Environment Minister
Thank you for your ongoing concern about the forests of PEI. For your interest, PEI’s Forest Policy may be found here: PEI Forest Policy | Government of Prince Edward Island

In the past, landowners have been very clear with Governments that they do not support having activities in their forests regulated. Instead, we provide financial incentives to support those who want to manage their woodlots sustainably. Our Forest Enhancement Program sets standards for forest management, and helps landowners with the costs of this, including replanting after harvest. Unfortunately, most landowners choose to work outside our program and its standards. We are beginning a review of this program to determine whether the standards are still appropriate, and whether the rates we pay are meeting the needs of both landowners and those who do the forest work on their behalf. One way all Islanders can support sustainable forest management it to use and promote the Forest Enhancement Program.

We are also in the middle of updating PEI’s Land Use Inventory, which will lead to a new State of the Forest Report. This is done every 10 years, and helps Government and the public see what is happening in the forests: are we losing forest area to agriculture and development? if so, how much and where? are certain types of forest becoming less common? That is important information that helps shape Government’s policies and programs.

Thanks again for your interest in this topic and take care,

What happens to our MLAs?

That was the title of yesterday’s (18th Jan 2021)blog. It was been pointed out, my blanket claim that all MLAs change once elected, was in error. I apologize unreservedly for condemning all our elected members. My intention was directed mainly to the PCs. They are the party that use the logo “It’s About People”. Yet, no matter how often I send emails to individual members of the PC party, I’m ignored. I have sent several messages to the minister of the environment, Natalia Jameson, but never once has she responded. Occasionally, one of her staff is directed to talk with me. Yesterday I sent copies of my blog to the Green and Liberal party’s. I received very prompt replies from both leaders. I’m still waiting for the governing party to respond, but not holding breath. Clearly their logo “It’s About People” is just that, a meaningless election logo. My concerns are real and should be give proper attention. Sadly once elected many MLAs believe they have no one to answer to. An example was the two MLAs that decided to travel out of province and country regardless of government directions. One rule for them, one rule for everyone else! Seems it’s the same for the King Government, only his rules apply, just ignore the, it’s about people, part!
God Bless and keep reading.
,

What happens to our MLAs?

That was the title of yesterday’s (18th Jan 2021)blog.   It was been pointed out, my blanket claim that all MLAs change once elected, was in error. I apologize unreservedly for condemning all our elected members. My intention was directed mainly to the PCs. They are the party that use the logo “It’s About People”. Yet, no matter how often I send emails to individual members of the PC party, I’m ignored. I have sent several messages to the minister of the environment, Natalia Jameson, but never once has she responded. Occasionally, one of her staff is directed to talk with me.  Yesterday I sent copies of my blog to the Green and Liberal party’s. I received very prompt replies from both leaders.  I’m still waiting for the governing party to respond, but not holding breath. Clearly their logo “It’s About People” is just that, a meaningless election logo. My concerns are real and should be give proper attention. Sadly once elected many MLAs believe they have no one to answer to. An example was the two MLAs that decided to travel out of province and country regardless of government directions. One rule for them, one rule for everyone else! Seems it’s the same for the King Government, only his rules apply, just ignore the, it’s about people, part!
God Bless and keep reading.

What happens to our MLAs??

I have to wonder why our politicians become so immersed in their own importance. Become to big to respond to concerned citizens and their issues. In today’s provincial government when I send an email to a minister the only response, and I don’t always even get a response, it’s from some minion in his/her department. They always have ready “none” answers right on the tip of their tongues! It’s not their fault, just doing what they are told to do. I think back to these same politicians during elections. They arrive on your doorstep, smiling and ever so eager to listen to your concerns. They agree with your issues and promise if they are elected they will do everything in their power to see those things are dealt with. Most of us know that will be the last we will see or hear from them until the next election. Once in government they do as the oligarchs of the backroom directs. They do what the corporations demand, the Irving’s, the monks and other big business. They continue the generous grants to groups like the Murphy’s, Maritime Bus, Lawyers etc etc. The rich get richer and minim wage remains in place for so many struggling islanders. It’s difficult to understand how people who are mostly like ourselves, once elected become so polar opposite. For the most part they are young men and women working and raising a family. Shop where we shop, their children go to the same schools as our children.  Attend the same churches, sports events, theatres and they live in the same neighbourhoods. But mention clear cutting, industrial farming, huge holding ponds, fish kills, PNP, Internet Gambling or toxic chemical spraying.  We are faced with a wall of silence! I’m not sure where the answer lays, I believe a good place to start would be election reform to a system of proportional representation. Something must change soon or we will be living on an island devoid of trees water and breathable air.That’s my rant for this cold January winter Monday morning.God Bless and keep reading.

Lockdown Funny!

I was at the Woolworths earlier with my service dog. The lady in front of me at checkout had about $200 worth of toilet paper in her shopping trolley.

With an attitude she asked me, “What type of dog do I own.” I told her “It was my service dog.” Then she got really snarky and said, “I knew that. What type of service?”

I said “He was a BLD.” By now he was licking her face and hands being super friendly.

She said, “What is a BLD?” I told her “it stood for Butt Licking Dog.”

She said “Butt Licking Dog?”

I said “Yeah, he has been trained to lick my butt clean because I can’t seem to be able to find any toilet paper at Coles or Woollies because of hoarders.”

The cashier completely lost it. I swiped my everyday rewards card paid for my purchases and off I went.

 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Some quick ones 

–      Ghosts like to ride in elevators because it lifts their spirits.

–      I pulled a muscle digging for gold, just a miner injury.

–      I’m going to start collecting highlighters, mark my words.

–      Be careful when you eat at Sam & Ella’s café.

–      Lego store re-opens after lockdown, folks lined up for blocks.

–      Nothing tops a plain pizza.

–      Water is heavier then butane because butane is a lighter fluid.

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Scottish Love Story

An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite pan-fried drop scones wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning on the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom with even greater effort. Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door-frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favourite scones.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his devoted Scottish wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in rumpled posture. His aged and withered hand trembled towards a scone at the edge of the table, when it was suddenly smacked by his wife with a wooden spoon 

She said………..”..Nick off’ “they’re for the funeral.”

What a beautiful love story!!

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

When Insults Had Class….

These glorious insults are from an era “before” the English language got boiled down to 4-letter words. Enjoy.

“He had delusions of adequacy.”

Walter Kerr

“He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.”

Winston Churchill

“I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure.”

Clarence Darrow

“He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the dictionary.”

William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway)

“Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I’ll waste no time reading it.”

Moses Hadas

“I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.”

Mark Twain

“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.”

Oscar Wilde

“I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.”

George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

“Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second… if there is one.”

Winston Churchill, in response

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”

Stephen Bishop

“He is a self-made man and worships his creator.”

John Bright

“I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.”

Irvin S. Cobb

“In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily.”

Charles, Count Talleyrand

“He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.”

Forrest Tucker

“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.”

Mae West

“Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.”

Oscar Wilde

“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts… for support rather than illumination. “

Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.”

Billy Wilder

“I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But I’m afraid this wasn’t it.”

Groucho Marx

And one of my favourites… “He had a great face for radio.”

 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Which Gender?

I too was one a male trapped in a female body.

But then my mother gave birth!!!

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Three Mothers

Three mothers are sitting on a park bench talking about (what else?) how much their sons love them.

Sadie says, “You know the Chagall painting hanging in my living room? My son, Arnold, bought that for me for my 75th birthday. What a good boy he is and how much he loves his mother.”

Minnie says,”You call that love? You know the Eldorado Cadillac I got for Mother’s Day? That’s from my son Bernie. What a doll.”

Shirley says, “That’s nothing. You know my son Stanley? He sees a psychoanalyst on Park Ave. Five sessions a week. And what does he talk about? Me.”

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Daffynitions 

1. SUDAFED

Brought litigation against a government official

2. BERNADETTE

The act of torching a mortgage.

3. BURGLARIZE

What a crook sees through

4. AVOIDABLE

What a bullfighter tries to do

5. EYEDROPPER

Clumsy ophthalmologist

6. CONTROL

A short, ugly inmate.

7. COUNTERFEITER

Workers who put together kitchen cabinets

8. ECLIPSE

What an English barber does for a living.

9. LEFT BANK

What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.

10. HEROES

What a man in a boat does

11. PARASITES

What you see from the Eiffel Tower

12. PARADOX

Two physicians

13. PHARMACIST

A helper on a farm

14. POLARIZE

What penguins see through

15. PARADIGMS

Twenty Cents

16. RELIEF

What trees do in the spring

17. RUBBERNECK

What you do to relax your wife

18. SELFISH

What the owner of a seafood store does

🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Public Housing!

Just like transportation in private hands, housing will not improve whilst we depend on the construction industry. Companies like APM will always promise to provide affordable rental units when seeking building permission from Government or municipalities. They will claim to provide a certain number of low rental units in the large-scale developments! However, look around at the number of new high rise apartment building across the province. Then look at the number of people still looking for affordable rentals. Look around at the numbers of homeless people still struggling and living on the streets. I believe it is time that government took responsibility for housing. Provide contracts to build the needed housing requirements under strict costing and design. Rows of neat attached homes that are cost efficient would not be difficult to build. Take a leaf out of war-torn Europe or Britain at the end of the Second World War. Prefabricated house was raised with incredible efficiency to put people into warm comfortable homes. The Prefabs were intended to last for ten years, however many lasted well into the 1980s, and indeed some still exist today. Private industry is destroying the economy with their greed, Irving corporation is a fair example of wiping out family farms. People are losing control of their lives their jobs and their futures. We become dependent on these huge Industrial corporations for our livelihoods, we lose all control of our lives. It is time we stood up and demanded change.
God Bless and keep reading.

Public Transportation

I do not believe public transport should be left in the hands of private enterprise. All three provincial government must create a Maritime public transportation system. If provincial governments can run the school bus programs, there is no reason they couldn’t co-operate in a public Maritime wide system. It is a essential service needed everywhere. The railway system worked for many years, but short sighted politicians saw cutting the rail system as a great way to save money. Well no money was ever saved, but many people were left stranded. These same politicians did not realize finishing the railway would require an alternative transportation system. Giving huge handouts to private operators does not create a workable transport program. There will always be the cry we need more government help. So why not use the tax payers money to fund a government operated system of transportation. Feeding money to private business never benefits the general public. It merely creates more wealth in the hands of the few, the self assumed elite.  That’s how I see the needs of keeping your hitch a ride thumb in good working order.God Bless and keep thumbing 

Rosie is waiting for the bus that never comes!

The Catholic Orphanages in Ireland

I listened with interest to the report on the radio this morning. I was well aware of the closed systems the Catholic Church and in particular the Nuns operated. For many years in Ireland they remained untouchable and above the law. The radio report stated over 9000 babies died whilst in the  care at these homes. It really demonstrates what these places were like. Work houses, prisons, places of punishment for what? A poor young girl makes the mistake of getting pregnant, and she is treated so cruelly. You might wonder how I claim to know about these homes. Well only one in particular, located in Belfast. During the 1980s we brought Irish children to PEI for month holiday away from the sectarian violence in Northern Ireland. One little boy-came from this Catholic orphanage. The island family fell in love with him and asked the chaperons if they could inquire about adoption when they returned home. Norman Price was a Salvation Army Officer, our chaperon. He went to the children’s home, but never got through the door. The Nun that answered the door told him they were not interested, they didn’t do adoptions. That was the end of the story! So sad that little boy could have had a much better life if they had allowed.  Still makes me angry when I think of this incident.
God Bless and keep reading